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Her whole family murdered before her very eyes, Kate Vrastak, the 13-year-old, became an orphan in a world she didn’t know. Survival skills became her weapons against a world that seemed empty and alone until she hit adulthood, found forgiveness, and turned her pain into purpose. Today, she’s a mental health hero, a trained professional, guiding trauma survivors to find their voice and the strength to forgive.
Kate Vrastak holds certifications in Canadian Social Service Work, Grief Therapy, Suicide Prevention, Neuro Linguistic Programming, Applied Behavior Analysis, Shamanism, and as a Reiki Master. She works with children, youth, and adults experiencing various degrees of trauma, stress, anxiety, depression, disabilities, Autism, and PTSD. Her gift to the world is to help orphans and trauma survivors find their voice, overcome their fears, and live their best life.
Connect with Kate here: https://sacredrootscoaching.com/
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Melissa Bright:
Thank you to better help for sponsoring this podcast guys, you have been hearing me talk about better help for as long as I can remember, I started my therapy whenever I started this podcast. And so that's exactly why they became my sponsor, because they have helped me better help is the only place that I have ever done therapy. So if you guys think you might need to see a therapist better help is amazing. They are online, you can do it from the comfort of your own home, you have the options to message them, you can do a phone call, you can do a video chat, whatever you feel comfortable with doing. Also, they have several different types of therapists. If you need couples, or for marriage and family therapy, they offer that it's also available to individuals worldwide, not just in the US better help is also a monthly subscription. So you're not paying per session and financial aid is available for those who qualify. So visit better help.com slash bright side of life that's better help.com slash bright side of life, join over 500,000 people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. And for your first month you're going to receive 10% off by being a listener of the bright side of life. So let them know that I sent you by using the link better help.com forward slash bright side of life. The link will also be in the description section of this episode
Kate:
when you can shine that love to the world because you're giving it to yourself first that speaks more volumes to people and it convinces them to heal because they want to love themselves. That's really truly All we want is the love to fall madly and deeply in love with ourselves so others will love us just like we are
Melissa Bright:
welcome to the bright side of life, a podcast where people share their personal stories of struggles, pain and grief. But through all of that they are still able to find the joys in life. Hello, everyone and welcome to this week's episode of the bright side of life. I am your host Melissa Bright. And before we get started, I do want to mention that this episode may act as a trigger for some as it covers a topic of sensitive nature. Today I am talking with Kate bras stack. Kate is an author, speaker and a mental health expert. At the age of 13. Kate's whole family was murdered right before her eyes, she became an orphan in a world she didn't know survival skills became her weapons against a world that seemed empty and alone until she hit adulthood, found forgiveness and turned her pain into purpose. Today, she's a mental health hero, a trained professional, guiding trauma survivors to find their voice and the strength to forgive. So today we are going to be talking about a couple of important topics, which is one is the freedom of forgiveness, turning your pain into purpose, and then how we can work on limiting beliefs about ourselves, our abilities and our place in the world. Kate, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for being here and taking the time out to share your story. How are you doing?
Kate:
Thank you so much for this opportunity. And I welcome this opportunity to help others as well rise up like I have, and I'm just so grateful to you for having this podcast. So thank you for this ministry that you do. It's powerful, and I'm doing great. So yeah, thank you.
Melissa Bright:
Good, good. Okay, so as I was coming up with your questions, I have recently discovered something about myself and I think I've already known it but over the past two guests that I've had, who have really really hard stories really hard stories, I have found that I have huge huge respect for people that have went through these tragedies because it and they came out on the other side because it's not always the case sometimes people just cannot overcome all the sadness and the trauma and everything. which is which is understandable. So that just means a lot to me like instead of you know a sports hero or hero or something like you are that hero So I love that you put the mental health hero because I have I have experienced a lot of loss in my life and you are the kind of person that I want to talk to you to say how did you get through all of this pain, you know? So you are my that's that's my hero, you know. I'm also will say you're the first person that I have ever spoke to that has ever went through this kind of tragedy. Thank you for coming on here to share your story. And I also know that you are a mental health expert and even if that Wasn't your title, I would still consider you to be an expert. And I actually looked up the title of expert. And what it meant. And it's an expert is a person who is has a comprehensive and authoritative knowledge or skill in a particular area. So of course, this is nothing that you signed up for. But you just kind of became the expert because you have lived through this. And now, you now you are going to share your story to help give other people hope. So I just want to say thank you. Again, that's a long introduction. But I felt like it needed to be said,
Kate:
Thank you, and I'm humbled. But I'm also honored to have that title, but I'm still remain on attached to it. Because I'm here just to say that I'm human, I have my ups and downs, sometimes I might get triggered just like anybody. But that being said, I keep the goal in mind that I'm here for a purpose. And I survived and outlived everything that I've injured, but also my whole family. I'm the sole survivor. So I realize that my message needs to be heard, and even came more loud and clear just before COVID, believe it or not. And in my first international best selling book that I wrote, I talked about that where I was in a perfect storm, I had just left a marriage, I just started on my own and just had a house fire too in my matrimonial home, a lot of things that happened and then I had this tree that was a gift to me now. But it landed on my brand new home and then fell on me. So that is what really kind of catapulted me to start speaking on platforms such as yours. Before that I was working behind the scenes as a mental health advocate. But I feel because of the times we're in with COVID it's more and more the audio is what people need. because believe it or not, that's a subliminal programming that helps people transition further. Then being in person with somebody because is what they hear is what leaves a lasting impression. As there's many great spokes people out there that say it's how you make people feel by what you say. And that is truly where the instrumental impact can be felt. And like I said, My voice was halted when that tree fell on me and I didn't have a voice. So in my rehabilitation, which I talked about, and how I've overcome this, a lot of it is with neuro linguistic programming, I have many tools in my tool belts, but that was the the icing on the cake that really made me be able to look at daylight and even computer light and sunlight because I was not even able to see my own reflection in the mirror. And that's truly what made me realize that okay, I'm still here, I've lived out like outlive this as well. And I'm here to help others rise up and what, what better yet is a metaphor as a tree, as the yogi says that we are a tree right were planted here on this earth as an energetic tree. But we are to rise up like a tree and be planted. And that's what I'm here to say my roots were ripped from me as a young child. But I had to work inwardly, to heal to get to this place to be able to speak with you. So thank you for this opportunity.
Melissa Bright:
Yeah, oh my gosh, you speak so well, I'm, I'm so excited. And now I need to know more about this, because I didn't even know about that, you know, when you started sharing your story, if it had been yours. So so I'm excited to talk about this, we are going to take you back to when whenever you were 13 years old, and you witnessed losing your whole family. Now for you, I'm just going to ask you to share whatever it is that you want to share about that event. Because that's your story. And you can share as much or as little as as you would like,
Kate:
thank you. I don't dwell so much on the story and how I lost them. But in my second book has been published with Les Brown, I do mention it in there. How I knew instinctively because I have a sixth sense as a lot of people that are realizing with their intuition and their inner knowing that they have this success and this gift of knowing. But yet it's it's a trembling within them that they're not comfortable with until they explore it. Well, that being said at 13 it was not something that was really supported by my mother. I was basically silenced a lot as a child. And that's why I feel it's quite a powerful story. In that I had a metaphor of a perfect storm for me to awaken to my voice because as a child, I always thought well, I'll be silent. And I'll listen. I was a great listener and I became a great listener over the years and that's why I worked behind the scenes and meant being a mental health advocate. But now I feel that that broke me open my core open the shell that was protecting me from the world because I said that. There's many Other people in this world as I got on to the clubhouse app and realize that there's many people suffering that have a sheltered core around them that they don't trust, they can't open up. And as a 13 year old, I didn't trust anybody after I lost my mother and brother and my family. And I realized that I needed to speak up as that day I even tried to prevent my mother from leaving that day. And I just knew I woke up out of my sleep again, that I knew she couldn't leave. And as, of course, a mother saying, like, we still have to go, like no matter what, it's a planned trip. That being said, I just, you know, cried and wept as a child would. But I had just been prophesied on and I don't talk about this too much. But I've been prophesied on by the missionaries that actually left with my mother to that day that also were killed. And that God would use me mightily. And I'm getting goosebumps as I say it. And at that moment, I thought, well, a 13 year old, yeah, whatever, you know, and I went through a period of being even angry at God, like, why would you give me that kind of annoying teen, and tell me that when my whole life changed before me, I became an orphan. And even just, not even a month later, I lost my grandmother who was my last lifeline. So and it was five days before Christmas, and believe it or not, is coming up to the anniversary of my mother and brother and family's death, four days after my 13th birthday to be exact. So November, December, all the winter months that tend to be a gloomy time of year for a lot of people can be hard, and your body knows your body keeps the score. So whether or not and I might get a little emotional, but that showing your listeners that that empath in me that intuition that sixth sense is still awakened, that I draw the people to me that can emanate the same kind of loss, because I'm here to hold the space. I call my business sacred roots for a reason. Because I really value the sacred space that I hold for people to open up and to trust me, because I knew once I didn't trust a soul, because I had to reach out and trust myself to trust others. And that was huge. And I'm just so grateful, like even making this connection with you that I just follow my intuition which in that day, I questioned why it wasn't listened to by my own mother. But and that kept me back for a few years. But then I said, I can't let and it created disease within my body. So you know, it created it manifested ulcers, and I'm sure some of your listeners can relate to that. So I'm here to say that I've had many diseases over my lifetime, that I have even had near death experiences to bring me to the reality that we are here for a purpose. And as long as we step into that purpose, and we don't dwell on the circumstances, as Tony Robbins says, life happens for you, even though it happens to you, it happens for you. And I'm here to say that everything that I continue to rise above, like, even that tree is happening for me for me to say, oh, okay, the giant within even though it was silence, because I'm from Thunder Bay, and the sleeping giant, is the big monument there in Chippewa Park, that that has become my mandate in life is to not let that sleeping giant lie anymore within me, but to speak up and to rise up, and I'm here to hopefully inspire your listeners to also do the same.
Melissa Bright:
Yeah. Wow. So can I ask you that day? What, what was your sixth sense, just not for your mom? Where were they headed? Well, since
Kate:
we were a family, a missionary family, we, my mother brought me into many different religions. And I'll just backtrack a little bit because I'm feeling that I need to help your listeners understand a little bit of the history. I was a childhood survivor of trauma. I had lost my innocence due to abuse as my childhood and my mother finally heard the scream when I was carried out of my bed by her ex boyfriend at the time, and finally broke the silence for me and got me help, and got me out of that situation. And that being said, it was a 10 year relationship that she had, but she didn't realize how traumatized I was because I was conditioned to be silent. So that being said that day when she had brought us or chose when I was only 10. To bring us into different religions made me realize that I can empathize with people from different religious backgrounds as well. And I was brought into that path for a reason so I could empathize with different cultures, different traditions of religion. And that day when my mother and missionaries and my brother left they were actually helping the missionaries that their car had broken down. And so they had come to chose our house, too. Come to to do a service and in our house because back then you try to make it economical for those that were missionaries as much as possible. And we were always about giving back our family was, you know, we live within our means, but we weren't rich by any means. My mother was a single mother. And my, my actual father, biological father had divorced my mom when I was five months old. So the huge insight that I got with that moment that I was not listened to was that God had a higher purpose, a higher calling for me to just sit silent. As my mother encouraged me to be silent, I realized meditation was my biggest tool to help me, catapult to where I am today. But they were on a mission to go back to get my mission. My best friend's It was a two children of the missionaries, they were my best friends went with them, believe it or not, and they were the only ones that survived. It was a car accident, that took out an entire bridge. And the gentlemen that was involved have fallen asleep behind the wheel, and did not have a scratch on him did not even come in apologize, did not even go to his court appearance only served a $25 fine for per head that he took. So $100 he walked away with having and this is what I couldn't rationalize that justice was not here to prevail. So of course, again, I kept silent because justice is what justice is. And no matter how much of a voice that you have on a platform such as Justice, you just have to take the verdict and go with it. So that was the one incident where I lost my family. And then the other incident was my other brother, who was actually again, another vehicle accident that was driven by he was on his vehicle on his bicycle and a vehicle purposely drove him down and collided with him and he died on impact. Basically, we had to pull the life support from him. While I did and convinced his girlfriend to do that. And this gentleman served no time in jail either than in a halfway house. He was given the charge of second degree murder by bought off with just molecular manslaughter, which is only one year, believe it or not. And I again felt like justice is not there for the victims. But again, I went through the court system to help find forgiveness. I went through forgiveness ceremonies, circles that the court system orchestrated for me, I wanted to, I volunteer to do that. So I'm here to say even with a religious background, I went through the process of Catholicism of like, why God like why God like why did this have to happen? And believe it or not, the gentleman to that took my brother was very religious as well. And it was announced on national TV to an apology from the Father and so forth. And it was just really an insight for me to go within and say what's really here for me, as much as I'm a victim, and the system isn't for me, but what else is for me, and what is it that I have to look at. And this is what I'm here to help other people see that in the darkness, you can actually find your light. And that's why I resonate with your title and your name so much, because you can see the light that you are here. And it's amazing that you're such a beacon to in this platform that you provide. Because that's truly what we're here for is to be that beacon of love and forgiveness. And it's been a journey. It's been a journey.
Melissa Bright:
Yeah. So go. So going back to whenever you were 13 would you consider that you were pretty much I mean, you sound like you're a really mature 13 year old.
Kate:
I was and in fact that was probably to my detriment. Because over the years I didn't and I would just shared it on clubhouse room this morning, that I grew up very fast. So I didn't know what it was like to be a joyful child and exploring and being creative and imaginative. I learned to just be silent and take everything in that was around me and just swallow it and just be present with it as meditation teaches us to be that funnel to be the channel. But at the same time I held on for dear might. And now when I started getting the tools and became equipped as a professional, I realized that I had to break free from those conditions and those shackles and not be held back but as a child, nobody telling me what to do made me even more critical and judgmental of myself. So I became more focused on rehabilitation for myself so it could help give back to others. I wasn't about dwelling on my circumstances. But that being said, it brought me into a path of wanting to become a workaholic, trying to prove my my identity to people because I didn't Have the Love Around me at 13 you're just trying to navigate your life and explore who your identity is and who you are to the world. So I just really went full force I was a student still I did graduate from high school. I was one credit short, though, of high school grade 13. But I still went on to Bible college, I realized I had to leave Bible college, I was part of Billy Graham Crusade, which I'm sure some of you know, Billy Graham, is a ministry of God that he in the UK in England. And anyway, when I went to Saskatchewan to do this program, I realized that I hit a landslide where I had to heal the Dean of the College realize when and this is impactful for a lot of people to hear. But there's a lot of actors and actresses out there. And I became a role as a mother, believe it or not, in a role to depict this man called Maury Blair, who portrayed a bastard he was abused as a child himself. And when I had to enact the role as his mother in a play that we did for Billy Graham, Crusade, that was the trigger for me. And that put me into a mode where I said, Okay, I can't keep helping other people right now I have to help myself. So I use that as and that was at 17. So it was good, it wasn't too long after. But at 17, I realized, okay, I had to do my work, I had to heal, I had to make the choice. If I was going to make an impact and be here, for others that I had to heal myself and I had bulimia so that's really what was the catalyst that made me say, Okay, I can't keep doing this and pretending that everything's okay when it's not, I had to heal. And people could not realize the pain that I had gone through. And even every professional that I reached out to, they could not believe they had not had somebody come through their door that had lost their entire family like I had, and could not believe that I was still sane, so to speak, and that I didn't know how to take that at 17. It's like saying, like, What are you trying to say that I shouldn't be? or what but at the same time, I took back my power and said, No, I'm not going to take a label. I'm not going to be identified as another statistic, if you want to call it that. And I said, No, there's something more here. Whether the anointing of those missionaries that night before they died, gave me that empowerment. I don't know. But that being said, In that moment, I said everything needed to happen as it did, as much as I still questioned why God had to do all this to me, I just kept saying, Okay, what next? What else do I have to do to overcome this, and I just kept peeling away the layers and then I became a social worker, I moved out of my town, I went back to my hometown after leaving Bible College, left my hometown and said, I had to start a new I had to look at where I was going, not where I'd come from. And I chose then to choose a field of work of social service worker to go into too. And I got accepted in all the schools that I had applied to, which was a godsend, because I'm like, wow, I was one credit, shorter grade 13. But yet, I still got into all the schools. And I really chose college as opposed to University at the time, because I wasn't about theory, because I had so much life experience up to that point that I said that that had to speak volumes to my career choice. So I went to college, and that was a huge I should say, a gift. Because I was able to get into the workforce much quicker. In fact, actually I was picked up right away while I was in college, to work with disabilities and people that were in trauma and also in a schizophrenic outreach program because there was a lot of people suffering from mental health in that organization. So I reached out and also to battered women I reached out to a lot of different organizations like that and I became an advocate within those facilities. And it was a huge empowerment for me because I felt I was being a gift to others and that helped me Give me a purpose to keep going on. And that was what was the driving force. Does that help a bit?
Melissa Bright:
Yeah, it definitely does. Thank you. It just to hear everything. Like I said, it seemed like you were so mature at the age of 13. And for you to realize at the age of 17 that you needed to you needed to heal first and to take these certain steps. It's just speaks volumes on like how mature you were, I don't know that I would have necessarily known at 17 like oh, I need to heal or not turn a different direction. I mean, you could have turned to drugs, alcohol to something else to try to numb the pain. So I just think that's absolutely incredible. I know that one of our topics that we do that I want to talk about is forgiveness. So if you can talk a little bit, if you can talk about how you began to, so it wasn't one single driver that no, no was two. Yeah, two. Okay. So how did you start to forgive these people? And then why? Why did you choose to forgive them?
Kate:
Yeah. And there's another side story that also killed my biological father after that after 17, which I didn't have a relationship with him. But that year that he died, he was actually going to meet my children. So and that was as self assisted suicide, so to speak. And that individual to I can honestly say that I have forgiven. And why I went into the choice of forgiveness is because I realized all what I was focusing on was bringing more of that dis ease to my body. So when I opened up to healing with neuro linguistic programming, which helps me go into my central nervous system, my parasympathetic nervous system to heal the impact of that stuckness in my cells that made me realize once I kept doing that healing process, because I had gone through CBT EMDR, a lot of the trauma induced type of therapies from 17 on. But when I reached out to this powerful tool for myself, when I heard that a woman healed herself of cancer, I realized I've got something here that I need to explore. And it was all based around forgiveness, because really, all those that hurt us are hurting themselves, and hurt people hurt people. And that's truly what it came down to for me is that I said, Okay, I was the one that was hurt. But the people that hurt me, there's something behind that, that I had to see where the court system obviously is for the perpetrator. So I said, Okay, there's something else here, what am I not seeing? So of course, again, I went internal and said, Okay, yes, I have to grieve. Yes, I have to show up for myself and acknowledge the emotions that I'm feeling of anger, sadness, grief, and, and much shame. Believe it or not, I was so ashamed of myself that I didn't reach out for help as a young, younger self that as I kept getting older, I kept perpetuating that need for love, and seeking for love in the wrong places. Because not only was I traumatized as a child, then even after my mother was and everybody died, I had to surrender to the church. And then I was also abused through the church. So I didn't know who to trust, I didn't know who to reach out to. I didn't know how to feel validated and honored for who I was as the innocence as a child that I was supposed to be embraced by. But what I realized the core that connected all of this is that God truly forgave everybody. And I wanted to be that emblem of love and unconditional love that God was for me. And as I walked through that forgiveness, not only for those, but that hurt me, but mostly for myself is that God helped me my faith helped me as Les Brown has reiterated that that's why I'm still here. It's my faith. It's my hope, but it's grace. It's the grace of God that gave me the peace that passeth all understanding every single day I wake up sure I'm lonely still, like even today I wake up and I say like, you know, I was on a gratitude clubhouse room and I say, you know, I'm grateful that I can still have my dog and my children and those that I have close to me, yes, I had that void. But if we don't forgive that void becomes even greater and we perpetuate that emptiness, that darkness and that archetypal woundedness and that only brings more of it to us and as les Brown's one of his quotes are that life has no limitations except the ones that you put on yourself. And I realized by I lived by that because all my life I did not put limitations I just said okay, don't knock me down, I'll get back up. You know, don't knock me down. I choose to rise up and all the affirmations that I kept giving myself and saying every day and choosing to look in the mirror at myself and even seeing the scars Believe it or not, I have many scars on my face from trauma, from abuse from my own mother, that I realized that that's what I had to heal to and I what really was the icing on the cake for forgiveness for me and I'm going to share a little bit of what I've shared in my book with Les Brown that's launching on my birthday, believe it or not, it's coming up is that I had my Nose broken by my mother. And it did not get fixed. Until the day that I chose at before I went to school. In college, I chose at age, I believe it was 19 9092 that I chose to get it fixed. And why I did that is because I did not want to keep looking in the mirror and saying that is because of my mother, I look like I am I wasn't going to blame anybody anymore. I didn't want to blame my mother who wasn't here, to hear anything and to hold that anger and resentment towards somebody that wasn't here. But yet gave me life gave me a choice to be who I am today, I had to go within. And yes, I have other scars on my face from her throwing things and being angry, because life wasn't fair for her that she had to be a single mother and so forth. I was chosen to be here for a reason I was not going to perpetuate that cycle, I again made a conscious choice and became responsible to rise out of that paradigm of cycle of, you know, generations before me and her generation. And for my own children, I did not want them to continue to perpetuate that cycle. So I'm here to say I'm a living example to rise out of that you can choose that. And it's really what we want to focus on that can allow that. And another favorite quote that I have of Les Brown, as he says, Do what is easy, and your life will be hard, do what is hard, and your life will become easy. And that's truly what my life has become. Because I've chosen consciously, to heal and to forgive. Because forgiveness really is easy. Once you realize the people that hurt you are hurting themselves, and they do the best they can with the resources that they have. But sometimes they just can't reach out for them. And thankfully, I found my voice to be able to reach out and ask for help. And be humble enough to have faith and hope. But most of all the grace that God gave us all to be here still to be that light and shine bright. Like your your podcast says so thank you.
Melissa Bright:
Yeah, it's so amazing. Everything that you that you said, because it's not an easy answer to look within ourselves. Especially with forgiveness. It always it's always the in the work that we do within ourselves. I've heard several people you know, why do we forgive our Why do we forgive the people that have heard us several things I we do take it inside our body, if we don't forgive, we hold that in that does turn into ailments, it turns into something anxiety, depression. And we've heard several people say before, you know, if you can't forgive somebody, you are the one that is ultimately suffering, they are still out there doing whatever are they suffering, maybe they're hurting, yes, but you are the one that is carrying it with you every day. And there's so many different circumstances on forgiveness, right? from people that have sexually abused to crimes to fathers that weren't in our life, you know, whatever it is that that you have, that you have to forgive. It's It's not easy to do. And sometimes I feel like I can just hear my listeners saying right now, like, what are you guys crazy? Like, how can I forgive this person that did that, or this person that did that. And you Kate have been through. I mean, you have the gamut has been ran through your life, and you have still been able to find forgiveness. So that's what I want listeners to hear the most of this isn't your story isn't just somebody that you know, hurt you one time, this is something that you dealt with on from several different people. And you still were able to forgive people in it because it came down to you and how you're you wanted your life to be. So with that being said, if there is a listener out there today that is thinking of a person that hurt them, what would you say to them on? How can they start forgiving that person today?
Kate:
Well, thank you very much. And I just want to reiterate what you said in that is that yes, we are labeled a lot of different ailments of mental health. And I must say that I was labeled Post Traumatic Stress Disorder back in the day, and even revisited that when I had the tree fall on me. But again, when it comes to forgiveness, it is easy when you look at it, it's for you. It's not for the people who hurt you. And that's why I know you said it's not easy, but I'd like to change that belief system for your listeners to say that it's working We choose to focus on if we choose that it's going to be hard, it will be hard. But if we choose that every day is going to be easy, what just putting one step in front of the other and waking up every day can make it easier. And trust me, I do it every single day I push myself some days more than others. Like I said, the anniversaries are coming up, like in fact, actually, my brother's anniversary is coming up, he was my last family member. And I remember that day that I had to pull the life support. So I realized sitting in all of those emotions, and even looking back at it, that I was the one and the murder, especially that got off with molecular manslaughter was just only one year, one year, that's it for killing the life. And in many countries or different states, it would be more, but that's in Canada, that's what it was. And I also failed to remain at the scene and they had to search for his vehicle 27 hours before they found it. And the blood even to watch on camera him wiping off my brother's blood on the vehicle. I went through all of this to wash away the shackles that I held myself for seven years, not being able to forgive as the court system brought me through The cathartic forgiveness circles I searched stood outside the forgiveness circle, then I presented myself inside the forgiveness circle to feel the energy fully to allow myself to heal. Not necessarily to say and believe it or not, the court system asked me to shake his hand. And I said no, I had to set boundaries and say no, because even your listeners need to understand when you've been hurt. I'm here to encourage you to set boundaries. And that's what I had to learn over the years and asking for help. I was setting boundaries for myself. So I wouldn't be hurt again. And getting my voice to be able to rise up and say no, I don't This doesn't feel right. And I'm going to trust my intuition even though it wasn't listened to at 13 by my mother or those around me, or really nurtured by anybody because back then they didn't know about Sixth Sense and intuition and listening to your your giftedness and your empath being an empath. But that being said that forgiveness, the shackles that I had around my heart actually became detrimental towards the relationships that I had in my life, and it tax my marriage it tax my children. And this is what I'm here to say that I'm best friends with my ex husband and with my children now. But it did cause a wedge, and I'm here to encourage you to release that forgiveness for yourself. Because the energy you emanate from you, from your subconscious really does affect people around you. And you will keep bringing that negative circumstance to yourself. Not purposely not intentionally, but subconsciously. If you don't forgive and let go those energetic shackles of the resentment and the anger that I had to work all these people that took my family, like, how could you justify what they did? And yeah, sure it was vehicle accidents, whatever should happens, excuse my expression. Friday, I still find you know, these and other situations that have happened that I haven't even spoken about. But that being said, we can put blame and everything on other people. But if we don't take back our power, and step into our truth and say we're here for purpose still, and there's many other people that need help, because I have a powerful story to help others. I want others to feel that they're not alone. And that's what I felt all these years is that I wasn't physically present with my family anymore. But I knew energetically and spiritually by going within, I could tap into those inner reserves of strength and know that the shackles of energy could be released from my heart when I forgave me, because if I didn't choose to forgive me, then nobody else around me, including my children and their father who came to me because I was love and knew that I was love. But because I didn't go to all that depth of core healing when that murder had taken my brother, that I projected my pain onto others around me, not intentionally. And that's what we really need to realize that dis ease manifests in our body. Not intentionally either. But because we're holding all those emotions, those core emotions of anger, sadness, fear, guilt, and shame. Those are the five core emotions that really perpetuate our central nervous system and stay stuck in ourselves. So when I realized this with my impact of the tools that I became equipped in, that it became effortless because I sat in those forgiveness circles energetically in those processes with someone holding space for me. It made me realize that I was my best, best advocate. I was my best healer and I was my best tool to bring that healing for myself. Sure I keep those that have hurt me at a distance, but I can honestly say I looked that Gentlemen in the eyes and in that circle and forgive him, but I was not going to shake his hand and say Good job for taking my brother. And that being said, that's what I'm here to encourage your listeners to say that it's effortless, when you can forgive, then everything else around you becomes more easy, in a sense that you just surrender to the moment, you don't look ahead of you, you don't look behind you, but you just then stay in the present. And really, that's the present moment that you can be thankful for that you still have another breath, you still have another insight to share with someone, and you can truly rise up like even Les Brown, being an orphan, didn't give up, he still had somebody there to take care of him, which is me, I chose to be the lone survivor, I didn't have the best of family to help me through those years from 13 to 17, I was abused. But that being said, I still rose out of that and said, I've got to take back my power and forgive because and believe it or not, I've gone back to that home and I have forgiven that home to say, I know they did the best they could but I'm not going to let myself give my power away to those that hurt me anymore. And that's what I'm here to encourage other people. That's what forgiveness does. And I have a forgiveness clubhouse room that I talk about with this. Because when people hear that, they really become enlightened. And they say, Wow, if that's how I can look at it every day, it gives me inspiration to get up every day. And that's what I'm here to hopefully spark in someone.
Melissa Bright:
Yeah. Oh my gosh, that was just that was amazing. It's so beautiful. Something I that I caught you saying and I want to ask, what you meant by it is, you know, when I asked you, you know, who did you forgive? And why did you forgive them? You had mentioned yourself in there briefly. And that is something that a lot of us struggle with is forgiving ourselves. We don't like ourselves because there is something that we are ashamed of, or we feel even Whatever happened to us as child, children, we thought we were responsible for like, if we got beat, or if we were sexually abused, or if we were neglected? Well, that's our fault. That's our fault. So to kind of flip it How, how can people forgive themselves. And that's not even to say that they did something wrong. That's something that they are holding on to because I held on to that for a really long time. I felt my dad not being in my life was something I did like What's wrong with me? Why doesn't he want to be in my life? It had nothing to do with me. I now truly believe that. So how can people because that's, that's hard. Sometimes I feel like it's harder to forgive yourself than it is another person, how do people start forgiving themselves?
Kate:
Wow, that's great that you ask that? And yes, again, I like how you're using the word hard to help your listeners shift their mindset to saying that, okay, it is hard if you look at the bigger picture, because yes, if you're saying that, and I empathize with you, too, because yes, my father wasn't in my life. And that was his choice. But no, it was my mother's choice, because he was not bringing me in the healthiest environments for me. So she had to set boundaries and say, No, he couldn't be part of my life. But as a child, I just had to accept, I just had to allow and I just had to trust everybody else having power over me. So when I realized the giftedness of power of the forgiveness, for me, that set me for freedom. Because as a child, we have to surrender to those that have more power over us. Because we're only a child, we don't have a voice. We're not listened to. We're not heard. And I was taught to be not even seen, I was hidden when my family had social gatherings because my mother said I was always at the wrong place at the wrong time. And that's why I was abused too. So that stuck with me. So when I decided with this, this gentleman that took my last brother, I used him as a catalyst for me to forgive everyone that I needed to in my life. But what it really brought me to my knees like the tree did literally brought me down on my knees. I had to say to myself, who am I really being here if I can't forgive myself. And what it was is because I didn't even feel I was being a very loving mother, I was just putting on a mask, I was putting on a face to everybody that I actually was loved when I felt a fraud. I didn't feel loved because I wasn't nurtured properly, even as a child. And so that love was distorted that love was tainted from trauma from people that I should have trusted. So when I realized that the forgiveness was mostly for me to fall madly and deeply in love with me, so that I could bring loving relationships around me, that changed my whole mindset and it really shifted me that day. Believe it or not, it was so powerful that the next day I was able to look at daylight and sunlight because that tree had knocked my ability to speak out of my whole system. But also I could not see that the daylight and it was hurtful. Like literally I had massive migraines like I could not the whole world was spinning. So I realized that when I came to that pivotal moment to say, wow, that I came out of that process of neuro linguistic programming that I'm certified in that I chose my own freedom. Instead of people taking the freedom away from me, I stepped into the opposite, you know, the mirror effect, the opposite of it and said, Okay, if I flip the coin, and say, What is it if I choose to feel that fear fully, which is only false reality appearing real anyway? and step into it, and love the person that I am? Because yes, my father couldn't love me. But really was he loving himself was he able to love himself was my mother able to love himself? No. So that being said, if I kept throwing accusations and throwing blame, even at the gentleman that took my brother, as much as I had to listen to his life story, I threw myself into diving into my own life story and saying, Okay, what more is here that I didn't visit, and when I couldn't look at myself in the mirror every day and say, I love you, those affirmations are powerful. So in to, you can say that you love yourself, say I am learning to love myself, I'm working on learning to love myself, and fake it till you make it basically, you know, and I still do that some days, like as much as I muster the strength to get up, it's that mustard seed of faith that brought me every day to where I am even today. And I want you to change that paradigm that you know, clock in you that internal clock, saying everything stepping forward, is not going to be hard as I choose it to be easy, if I choose to look at it from the lens of love for myself first. And that's what I want everyone here to listen to is that, and I encourage you, and I do a lot of these exercises with my clients and those on clubhouse and etc, is right with your less dominant hand, a love letter to your inner child. So get a picture out of yourself, whatever age it was, that you loved looking at yourself, or that you were in your element that you felt your innocence, put it in front of you and write with your less dominant hand. And why this is is it balances your left brain and right brain. And it also helps your nervous system open up to the locked cells that are in there of trauma and emotions. And even if you can't understand the writing, just go free writing with it. And then you burn the letter, you do not give it to the people that have hurt you. But you're writing the love letter pouring out if it's to your mother, if it's to your father, get it all out. And you might want to do this repeatedly at different times in your life. Because I do it, I revisit it. If something's angered me and I realize where the trigger is connected to I revisit this and believe it or not, it appears as imposter syndrome. And I'm saying this because I'm feeling some of your listeners can realize relate to this and realize that they might suffer from that. And when I stepped into that myself, and even in building my confidence on being on platforms like I am with you is it came to me when I released my first book that became international best selling book in nine hours of being released. I faced that so what I did is I went through a process, again of neuro linguistic programming, believe it or not, I thought I had healed it. But it came to when I was sorry.
Melissa Bright:
My only gapper to
Kate:
my five month old self in the womb. And my three year old all those ages came up when I did the healing process. And it was because I did not feel the love in the womb of my own mother. Then again at three months old and five, and so forth. So you make those connections without reliving the trauma. I'm here to say there is healing power in not having to relive the trauma, when you go through therapy and find a counselor that you can reach out to that you trust that resonates with you, but you do not have to retell your story to relive the trauma because that then only can perpetuate your mindset. What it is is staying within your body in your your soul with the roots intact and say what is it here, your higher self is needing to learn to step out of this vicious cycle and say okay, I take back my power because I am in charge now. I am the champion of my inner child and I'm going to choose that champion to rise up and give myself that Academy Award. I don't need to be an actor and actress on a stage to get it I need to give it to myself every day and that's what I choose to do every day. Like I put up visuals of affirmations of my little inner child or even when I felt I was in love with my ex has Because I was loved in those moments so I put these reminders of visually because all your senses are really in tune with where you go in your life too. So if you can really keep that in mind in your healing journey is engage all your senses your sight, your your auditory especially is where it really is at and by neural beats really also helped me in reaching because it's not music, because when you add music, it changes the paradigm in your your mind. But when you listen to the beats, it just helps your nervous system, relax and unlock the cells of emotions that get trapped. And that's where trauma gets stored, whether you're an abusive trauma survivor, where your post traumatic from war, or even compounded traumas. So that is what really I'm here to encourage others to reach that forgiveness because it's so empowering. And yes, it was, once I I experienced at once it became effortless, so it can be easy. As much as we say it's hard, but don't keep up. See even using the word don't believe it or not. And that's for a reason. Because your mind senses and knows do instead of don't so your mind doesn't hear the don't it does it anyway, as a child, we become rebellious, right? So being reframing your words is really, really key. So reframe and constantly look at the toward wall where you're going and learn that you are just transitioning out of what you're dealing with. And it's only a stage like you said, with your father, it wasn't your fault. And with anybody that's listening, it isn't your fault. But take back that power and say, okay, it's not my fault, but it is my responsibility to let it go. Because I'm giving my father or my mother like me, or those murders that took my family power over me. Like I even stated in court that the murder that took my mother and brother and my, my best friend's parents didn't come and apologize. I was expecting that apology, like he should have done and could have done. But yeah, didn't do and none of our family members do. But if we're waiting for that apology, instead, write it to yourself in those love letters. That healing letter will be the most transformative process that you do and releasing it like the ashes that we are when we do pass Ashes to ashes. So that letter symbolizes you letting go. So you can create that bond with the relationships that you still have here to work with. So it's really healing. And I have many other techniques that I help people with. But that's powerful. I just want to share that.
Melissa Bright:
Oh my gosh, I love that. I love that we are talking now because I have learned so much. I hope that people are understanding some of the stuff that you were saying, because before I started my podcast stuff about energy, I'm like, What are you talking about energy? Or what was something else you just said like the neuro linguistic, I don't totally understand it. But at the same time, I just did a hypnotherapy session back in July, that was extremely, extremely powerful for me because it had a lot to do with my dad and what I was holding on to and, and my beliefs as a child and all this stuff. And so everything I understand now that you're saying, and knowledge is power, especially when when you do learn how to do all this stuff. A little story I wanted to tell you about really quickly because something happened. Like to me, that was really confusing to me. So probably about four or five months ago, I was listening to a guided meditation. And this was a guy that was doing it on Facebook. Very well known guy Jay Shetty. I don't know if you know who he is. I was doing one of his guided meditations. And he asked us to go back to a time when we were little kids. And what would we say to these little kids? And then it would say, Okay, now what would your younger self say to your older self. In that moment, I like started bawling my eyes out. But it was something different than I thought it was going to be because I was jealous of my younger self, because my older self is who has endured all the pain, like I lost my mom when I was 25. You know, so as much as like, my dad wasn't in my life that much when I was younger, and that was traumatic. me losing my mom at the age of 25. Trump that by a million, you know, so I was jealous of my younger self when I would and I could not stop crying. All I wanted to do was go back and be that little girl that new innocence that still had both living parents that had it was crazy. And I'm like, usually it's the other way or you know, and I was really really surprised by that but it needed to happen. Yeah, um, you know, so I just thought that was interesting, especially about the the letters that you say to write.
Kate:
And that's true. That's what I encourage people to do is look at yourself when you're doing that. What would you want that little child to have heard from Your mother, as you're writing the letter, or your father to tell that inner child, so take it a step further and say, Yeah, because love is not taught. It's learned by example. It's learned by mentors, it's learned by people in the physical. And so what we're doing as champion, like you said, champion, that adult in us to champion the inner child is that we're learning to embrace that love that we weren't given. And yeah, it might, and I can relate to what you're just sharing about the jealousy I had a lot of female relationships that are close, but some were almost threatened by my energy because I presented so well I presented as you know, very strong, and I'm like, all I wanted was closeness. I have trust me, I do have very close friends, but they're across the miles. But that being said, I've always longed for that ability for people to relate to me. And it's been an interesting struggle over the years, because we'll just say, it's not hard anymore, I call it a struggle, because I chose to keep people at a distance in my healing, because if I opened up, people wouldn't relate to me or they put expectations on me that I wouldn't be able to measure up to. So and I already had enough on my own shoulders that I created and manifested in my life that no, I've got to do it all and I stayed on the straight and narrow, I didn't do drugs, I didn't, you know, go that avenue that I could have become an alcoholic, and all of that, because I always felt I was accountable, I needed to be accountable to myself to say, what was I needing to do here that I didn't get. And that's truly what it boils down to your like you said is the inner child wound so when we're meditating and we're not comfortable with meditating, is because we're not feeling safe inside that inner child is feeling afraid, is feeling alone. So that's why we have to find mechanisms that are going to make that inner child feel at home and feel safe, and feel secure. So you know, trusting yourself to know what you're going to need, but writing with that opposite, less dominant hand, and I'm feeling that need to say because I'm going for my shoulder surgery soon, and I'm realizing I'm going to have to operate from that less dominant side of my body. And I'm realizing that with the writing, it's all about letting go of the anger because shoulders and hence writing is unresolved anger that you have internalized towards yourself. So if you're looking at doing the work, it is so important to honor yourself through the process, and no, it's a grieving because you are grieving that inner child that didn't know the innocence. But also like me right now I'm working through the joy I'm trying to embrace the joy that that little girl didn't have. Didn't wasn't able to, like even laugh at comedy, because like, No, it wasn't fun to laugh at anybody because I was hurting. So I didn't want anybody laughing at me because there's bullies out there too, right. So that being said, and I didn't want my misfortune is taken out of context. So laughter was, was a huge thing for me that I'm trying to embrace. Because that's healing to the soul, about realize in order to overcome depression, anxiety, any kind of mental health is there's natural ways to do it too. Hugging releases endorphins and serotonin from the body, all the natural chemicals from the brain can be done naturally. So the walking grounding yourself all of these natural things that we forget to do instead of like cycling in our brain, we need to do for ourselves and choosing to do that and self care is so important because we are worth it. So saying even the affirmation I am worthy like you said and, and letting go of that jealousy that you know of competition, because you're always trying to compete with the next person in life because you're trying to be heard you're trying to be seen. That's basically what it is. Jealousy is coming out with being heard and look at how much you've been able to channel it towards a positive instrument as such as a podcast to be heard and seen and validated. Like that's really what the inner child just wants. And that's what we're here to say. Let's champion it. And let's do it together. Reach out don't suffer in silence.
Melissa Bright:
Right. Oh my gosh. So another crazy thing that you had spoke about and about the inner child. I have been doing bar classes. Do you know what bar is like ballerinas? Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. So I do it at home through Beachbody and Okay, I'm six feet tall. I am not a ballerina. Nor am I a dancer. Okay, but that's what I wanted to be like when I was younger. I can't. I don't. So anyways, I've been doing these Barre classes for five weeks now. The lady is absolutely amazing. I love her energy. She's incredible. She has been a dancer for like since she came out of the womb, whatever. I still have issues when I am by myself to express what they express. You know when she talks about grace and just let yourself go and to just take what moves you if you want to dance like an 80s dancer or whatever. I constantly feel like somebody is watching me and telling me that I look stupid or I look dumb because that's I was very much what my childhood was with my dad, he wouldn't come out and say I looked dumb or anything like that. But it was so serious. And so life was just so serious and all this stuff and so that I noticed that I noticed that I can't even fully let myself be this ballerina. Because I feel like somebody, they're watching me and judging
Kate:
me for an affirmation dance, like no one's watching. I know. And
Melissa Bright:
like, I tried to do that. But it's like, now I'm judging myself because my dad judged me so much. And I'm like, just let it go, girl,
Kate:
that is so important that you brought that up, because that's what I did to in my life. And that's when I changed. And that's why I was able to find the forgiveness because I was the hardest on myself to stay on that straight narrow, because I thought God would, you know, and me my life. And I didn't want that. So if I was choosing to judge myself, consciously and subconsciously, but that's what kept the catalyst of me moving forward, because I flipped it now. And that's why I can say that I'm continuously still working on the the judgment piece too, because I realized, if I'm judging myself, then how is other people seeing me and perceiving me, they're also feeling judged by me. So that is what made me also switch that and it came to even my children, feeling you know that from them, like my daughter said to me, like mom, you always tell me what I should focus on, instead of saying, I say, good job. But she says, well, you're always looking at how I could have done better instead of just accepting what I got. And that made me say, Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. That, you know, I know you did a great job. And now I don't even acknowledge where her mistakes were. But I was always about that, where can we improve on the mistakes, so you could have got better, and I realized that I had to let go of that attachment. Because to me, I always looked at my mistakes. I always looked at that I was a mistake, because I felt a mistake, because I was so traumatized in my childhood. But that's where I'm saying that we don't even realize on a conscious level. But it's our subconscious that are doing behaviors, that we have to nip in the bud. And that's why I say hypnotherapy as part of neuro linguistic programming is so important in your healing journey, because it gets you into that mindset to zap out of that in a quicker way than talk therapy does. Because talk therapy can only perpetuate things. It helps you empty out, don't get me wrong. But you need to shift the whole paradigm of the way you're focusing, like you said, the judgment is huge, because, you know, God doesn't even judge us. He comes from love. But I looked at it as a judgment because God is gave me what I had given to me. And so I had to really change that, too. So thank you for sharing that. Because that brought me to a huge realization for myself. And every day, that's what I find if I get stuck is because I'm judging myself that I should be somewhere else where I'm not, you know, and even like you're saying, the jealousy is like I'm, you know, I can be jealous to somebody that has life. But now I tend to end my specialty is with disabilities, because they give me so much more hope and insight, because I see that how they've risen up. And they've been able to be that beam of enlightenment, like I worked with a young lady that's still in my life with MD and she's outlived her life span that the doctors predicted. And to me, that just gives me so much hope that she inspired me to say, I should not have anything to complain about when she's in a wheelchair, and I still have my legs, I still have, you know, my voice, I still have my sight, you know. And I just want to share this last insight that and it's coming to a reason here, a gentleman came into my forgiveness room on clubhouse, and this is what really was the cannibal, to me to forgive to the depth that I know to share in with your podcast today is he was shot blind by the gentleman that shot him, he became blind. And he honestly has not met the gentleman. But he said to me that he could forgive him. And that brought me to a deeper awareness as I'm even getting goosebumps in this moment to share that here. He's gone through life not being able to see and you and I still have sight, we can see on the peripheral we can see within ourselves. But this gentleman has been able to go within himself to heal and find forgiveness for that gentleman for him to live the legacy for his little boy that he has now and he's in a marriage that's beautiful and supportive. But that forgiveness is so important to bring that love to you that it brought him full circle and he speaks of it he's got he's going to be writing in my next book that I have launching as well on forgiveness, and it's so powerful that forgiveness can be so freeing that those shackles are for us to let free up. You know it's the rehabilitation for us is the time and energy of taking responsibility that those that the court system I don't necessarily have all the means to do it to help the the perpetrators against the victims. But like I say, in my, my one pager is on the victor, because my brother who died with my mother, his middle name was Victor. So I take that as my light. As you take your name as your your podcast name. I take Victor, because I'm the victor over my circumstances, I'm not the victim anymore, because I choose freedom. So thank you.
Melissa Bright:
Yeah, I love that. Okay, so we still we have another topic that I want to discuss. And I'm really, really excited to talk about this, because I feel like, so we're gonna be talking about limiting beliefs. And I realized, well, it took me a while to realize so my mom passed away when I was 25. I'm 36. Now, so it's been 11 years. I realized in the last year that when my mom passed away, that I lost a lot of stuff besides her, I lost my self confidence, I lost my ability to trust myself, I lost all these things. Because as your mom, if, if you have this kind of relationship with your mom, which I did, she was my support, she was very, I could trust her with the biggest secret, I could trust her with anything, I could trust her to tell me the truth, like, don't do this, whatever. When I lost her, I lost all of that. And as the years went on, and I wasn't succeeding, or I wasn't living a purpose, I, I it's like, I struggled with it more and more, it was only getting worse. And since all of this, I have healed, I have went to therapy, I'm learning to forgive. I'm getting all of these limiting beliefs. I'm almost like taking my power back and realizing like, Yes, I lost a lot with my mom, I lost my number one supporter. But Melissa, you can be that person, you don't have to rely on anybody else. So I want to talk to you. Do you feel that that's where if you suffered with limiting beliefs, did it happen? Because you had lost that support system? Or your family also? Or where did limiting beliefs come out for you?
Kate:
Wow, thank you for that question. And first and foremost, I feel that when I was born, and this is because of my healing journey that I know, and I'm speaking of also within my education, too, that I've done, that our generation before us predisposes us to certain limiting beliefs, believe it or not, energetically, we might not know it on a conscious level. But subconsciously, they come in through our birth, birthing into this world, but we choose our parents consciously. That is a fact. And that has been proven scientifically as well that we are more powerful than we give ourselves credit first, because we choose our parents, even though that they're broken, or they're going through trauma, or some children are even born from abuse, and very tragic circumstances. So we choose to become that beacon. But that being said, we cannot see that light in US unless it's fostered unless as mentors unless we're truly lifted in the support around us. And like I just gave an example of my children as much as I went through my own woundedness I realized in doing my own healing from my Kashuk records, and doing my soul healings and healing the generations as well, that with neuro linguistic programming, I realized that, like I said, even before birth, even my past lives, if you believe in that predisposed me to go through what I did in this lifetime, and I just recently and I'm excited to share this that I realized everybody, including my family was in my past life. So that's how powerful I became to manifest it in this lifetime for me to be able to heal and to help others see the correlation that we choose our destiny. And so if we make ourselves realize that those limiting beliefs were not ours to have in the first place, that it's up to us, like I just and I keep saying it to you that life isn't hard if we choose it to be hard it will be. But because we came into a life that was hard for those that brought us and like your mother and your father, for example, their love came together, but it could have been trauma that brought them together as well, the trauma bond as we know, in therapy, that being said, You are the catalyst to help them heal that Believe it or not, because you are that light being that source of love, that they pour into you. Whatever brokenness that they have left is just like when we're trying to write that letter of forgiveness. We're trying to get to that core wound that core emotion that wasn't heard or wasn't validated, but that's what really we're addressing is that inner knowing that we knew we were bigger and better and made for much more powerful stuff in this world. And that's how I feel I've manifested what I continue to heal in my life and and bring into my life like this upcoming endeavor with Les Brown is that I chose now not to focus on the pain as much as the purpose of what that pain is bringing me to help others in transforming their life. Because life is all about the transformation. It's not about the trials and tribulation, because the more that we focus on the story, like the Course of Miracles, I don't know if you know of that book, but it talks about we're bigger than our story, we're more than that we're truly not even our story of that pain and suffering, because we are the love, we are the light, we are the forgiveness. But those limiting beliefs were brought on to me by and you and everybody else is probably listening from the repeated pattern cycles of our ancestors, even before our parents brought us in. So that is the core essence of energy. And this is why I need to share this when my daughter became two years of age, as we know, and I don't know if you have children, but those that are listening might have children, that our children are many knees, basically we look through their eyes, and we see ourselves right. So when like my daughter at age two just stood back when I was trying to put out all her beautiful outfits and matched everything to her hair decor and everything. And she just looked back at me like with a look. And I'm like, we don't have time for this, we gotta go. And she just looked at me and I had to pause. And you know, I was basically controlling what she was going to wear all the time. And I realized that I let her from age to on decide what she was going to wear as the terrible twos as they call them. But there is for a reason that they're trying to find their identity, but they're trying to give their own expression. As much as we want to shelter we want to control. And our parents already have the control over us because they brought us into this world. But we chose to come into this world. And I think if we keep reminding ourselves of that, that we choose what we even focus on what belief systems that we have, but once we can get to the bottom of it and keep writing daily journal writing is so empowering because you can look at yourself through your journal writing, because you can see what what gets the paradigm of the consciousness still repeating itself. Because the subconscious is 90% of why we behave the way we behave. And if we do not take back the reins of power and empower ourselves to say, Okay, I'm in control of those belief systems. And even though Yes, that beautiful relationship that you had with your mother was so loving and nurturing. But what is it now that you need to do to bring that love and nurture and trust to yourself like me not having it, for example, I had to learn to bring it to myself and even foster that in my daughter as much as it was hard to let go of that control or the bond to certain degree, like even now that she's living with her father, I just have to give her the freedom to explore and to express herself the way she needs to do and trust. Because when we're healing ourselves, we heal our family. Does that make sense?
Melissa Bright:
100% Oh my gosh, it makes it makes such sense. And I love everything you said about going back the energy and our family trauma that could have happened to parents which I know for a fact both of my parents had trauma and then before that and then before that and how it gets passed down to us and that's how I was able to forgive for so long with my dad like my dad was such a just not I don't want to say cold he just wasn't very emotion um, didn't have a lot of emotion and that was taught from his dad and so he just didn't know how to love us as children he probably didn't even know how to act as a father and so now with me understanding that you know, the hurt all that stuff that my dad was hurting I do know that now I don't he didn't tell me that but I know that and he has since passed away in January so I didn't get to have that conversation and that's where I really had to learn how to forgive because I won't ever have that conversation again. And so I love everything that you said about the limiting beliefs and how they are passed on and something that I keep telling myself that helps me get through days when I sit here and question you know whatever about my podcast is the content going to be good? Am I is my message really being understood and heard all these things is if I remove my judgment from this, just put it out into the world. And don't think about oh my gosh, I said in there too many times, I have to remove all judgment, it don't say it's good. Don't say it's bad, just put it out there. And when you put your own judgment on there, what do you think other people are going to do. And that is almost a relief to not like sweet, I don't have to decide whether it's good or bad, I just have to trust myself and just do it. And so that's been something that's really helped me lately, because I am a perfectionist, I will worry left and right up and down if something's good enough. And so now I just really tried to, I know what my message is, try to accomplish that. But then just put it out there and remove the judgment. And I feel like removing the judgment is so important when it comes to limiting beliefs, you know, because if you can do that,
Kate:
feel discouraged. It's true, there's a scripture too, that says, Judge not You shall not be judged, condemned, not and you won't be condemned. And that's truly what I realized in my life that I was doing and but at the same time, I knew Philippians 413 said, I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me, because it's not me. So even what you said about your dad not being able to have that final forgiveness, I have learned to talk out loud, and of course, the sacredness of my own home, because spirit hears, so I would not just count that for you. So if you need to get it out, I still encourage you to get out those emotions, like go and sit in your car even or, and I encourage people to even go sit by a tree, and write or just, you know, if it's safe, you know, talk like even when I go for walks, I'm saying my affirmations out loud, I don't care if anybody walks by and when I'm talking to myself, because it's all about the vibration and intention, but it's what we worry about. That's what we bring more to ourselves. So if we let go of the worry, and it's just a prayer we're putting out there, and a thank you to our parents like I would still encourage you to have those conversations out loud because I've done it. Because even as I'm going for surgery, you know, I'm saying Oh, I wish I had help, you know, but knowing that I have spirit guides and angels around me on the spiritual world, because I opened to that when my daughter was two because I said there's something else here that I'm not visiting. And that's why I mentioned about my daughter being two, that's when I opened up into Reiki, that's when I opened up to energy healing and shamanism and all of those other tools that I became equipped with. And why I did that is to help my clients more because I knew there was more than just talk therapy, I knew there was more than just theory of going to university, I knew there was more than psychotherapy, and I work with a lot of doctors believe it or not on my my club house rooms, and they say oh my god, Kate, I resonate with what you're talking about. And it's only because I equipped myself to heal myself first, before I could help other people because you have to hold that space for yourself, like you said, to acknowledge that you were jealous, acknowledge that you're judgmental, acknowledge all of your archetypes. And that's what I found when I was opening up into energy healing is that I realized all of us have these dark shadow archetypes that we are not choosing to address because our subconscious is there. But we're not listening to it. Instead, we're letting it keep us stuck. And we're needing to open up into that to realize that we're bigger and better and just shifting our mindset to get away from that abandonment issue. Because if we don't heal the abandonment, it'll keep visiting us. If we don't heal that rejection, you know, will keep bringing that rejection to us, which is tied in with abandonment. You know, there's so many core wounds that we have that we project out in the world, but if we choose to embrace it as a gift, instead of as a woundedness, that changes the whole energy intent, and it'll bring people to you like your podcast probably is doing for you, for you to help be that ministry too. Because listening is that that hypnosis that you were part of, because it's what we programmed. And believe it or not, we're being hypnotized by everything, we listened to everything on the TV, everything on the radio, everything, we're being hypnotized constantly. So choosing to be in silence. A lot of people struggle with that. But that's actually your best tool. And that's what I woke up to realize that, oh my god, instead of hating my mother, I had to thank her that she made me go and be in the background of listening to everybody socializing and listening to the fun and the laughter and everything and let my body just reside in what it felt like and now I am bringing it full circle and inviting it in, but because I wasn't allowed to be part of it, as a child, I put a block to it. And that's what simply we do in our healing. We block our own healing because we shut down and say, if only people understood me, so instead, we close the door on people understanding instead of opening it because we choose to, you know, stay stuck and we don't do it on a conscious level, but it's that woundedness in us that inner child that just goes into hiding and it's like, oh no, I've just got to, you know, stay hidden and that grief keeps us from perplexed, and like I shared in the gratitude room again this morning is that once we can let go of the grief as a repression, and make it become an insight and a gift for others to live in their legacy of those that died, like you're living in the legacy of your father right now in sneaking up and, you know, going past those limitations that you felt he had put on you, like, Look, I would be thanking your dad every day. And you see, once you do spend that gratitude every day, like even to your Mom, wake up every morning and say, Thank you, mom and dad that I, you know, have this gift that I'm still here because you gave me my life and look at how many lives I'm impacting. That's what keeps keeps me going. That's truly an event to have invited you into my life. And for this to happen, I feel there's a purpose for that. And we just have to hold on to those gifts, and those moments and treasure them. And again, it's what we choose to focus on is what will bring more to us. So
Melissa Bright:
yeah, I love that I am something that I something that I struggle with. And I know we're an hour and 19. But something that I struggle with. And the whole reason why I started my podcast was because and a really quick version that I'm going to give is I saw another Melissa out there that was hurting, that was hurting, that missed her mom that was dead that was hurting from her dad not being in her life that was hurting from all these different things. And I knew that there were other Melissa's out there just in different ways. And so I'm like, how can I help other Melissa's? How can I help other means that are out there. And that's how my whole podcast started. Now I do believe that my podcast is obviously helping people with hearing other people's stories and giving them hope. But it's something that like, I you have all of these tools you have everything that you you know how to do from I mean, you've done Reiki, shamanism, all that stuff. That's a lot. That's something that I don't have. And that I was like really kind of upset with myself before and I'm like, Oh, well, I don't have this. I'm not a trained expert in mental health. But something that I have like switched my script is I can be a facilitator. And that's what I'm doing with my podcast. So even though I might not be the therapist, I can have therapists, I can have you on my podcast, and I can facilitate those conversations to put out into the world and to give people hope that way.
Kate:
And I echo that because that's why I became I call myself a connector, I have a lot of groups that I brought together and like on my club house, and I'm not the doctor, because I didn't go back to university, because I didn't believe in myself, I assure you, I kept saying, Well, I didn't have family to support me financially, whatever I could, you know, label it for whatever it's worth. But that being said, I said exactly like you I'm not going to stop from connecting with them and saying, well, they have wisdom, but they're actually giving me even actually on one podcast, I was given the honorary title of Dr. Kate and I'm like, oh, wow, that's too much. Like no note, but they said your life experience speaks more than a theorist of going to university, like even Oprah, I think has been given that in her her life. And I'm still humbled by that. But that being said, I joined forces with like mindedness, people that are on the same path and same mission as me. And I believe we are like, it doesn't take one person to raise a child. It takes a whole village, as they say, but it takes a community to raise people up. And that's why you're having a podcast like this and having people like you to reach out to you that brings that force together because one voice can make an impact but a huge community can make so much more and that's why I'm so grateful for the doors that keep opening that I manifest through meditation and trusting that in that gratitude when you can find that gratitude more grateful opportunities come your way and you know, I just I am so humbled and honored but don't let that say I'm using the word don't but I'm going to reframe that please don't hold yourself back with not having all those other tools that I have like I have so many different ones but I don't even label them in any anything per se to discriminate other people because I want everybody to be able to relate to me I don't want I didn't want the title on purpose of doctor because that can be very intimidating. But yet I do have people that come into my clubhouse rooms with with that degree or and that status. But that being said, being that human connection and being vulnerable, like you're sharing that transparency is what speaks louder to people like even Les Brown, as taught me. It's that humaneness of being the orphan like I have been and still am. That it's allowed people to really trust me because they say wow, like I wasn't an orphan. I had my family but yet you had to go alone. And so it makes them realize that they're not alone. Because here, I'm still here, and I'm reaching out for them to be part of my life. And I never looked at it at that, that perspective, but they helped me. So every day that I'm able to help somebody they bring me to a deeper level of awareness to so I'm not saying that I'm the expert in any way, I'm just learning to navigate life, the best I can with what I have, and the resources that I keep pulling in for myself and for others. So I hope that helps you to and your listeners know, like, you know, there's artists among us, and just even seeing somebody that can't articulate or speak, their artistry can speak volumes and awaken people, you know, so that's part of a voice like Roger love, I just came across Roger love last year. And he said that the gift of listening is more than what even the voice can do. As the power of listening can shift everything in your life huge. And you know, hopefully this podcast does speak to a lot of people and better listening, but also inspire them to shift that mindset to like you and I have worked through it and we continuously do it. It's a work in progress. It's not an as I say, my podcast, start my podcast, oh, maybe I'm manifesting that. But in my clubhouse rooms is that none of us are an expert. We're just learning to navigate life. But we're here to interweave our insights, our journey, and we're here to learn together, but it's not a destination. It's a journey. Our life is a journey. And it's what we choose to focus on that makes it that worth living. And now I want to manifest joy, and just keep living that brightness of the joy. Like I love the sunflowers because it reminds me of joy. And, you know, that's what life should be about and could be about. But really, if we choose not to focus on the here, and now we taint that joy. So that's what I'm trying to really live by. So I love
Melissa Bright:
that. So I wanted to ask you, do you have a book that you're currently promoting? Right now?
Kate:
Yes, the one that's coming up is because it's les Brown's legacy. He is a cancer survivor. He's 75. So we all went together, a bunch of us authors is called hunger, ignite the hunger to in you. And it's all about speaking your truth. And there's very insightful, powerful stories, including his own in there. And there's 36 authors, I believe all together. And it launches on November 1. And you can right now pre order the audio versions of it on all the platforms on Amazon, Kobo, and, and all the audibles. But it does launch and you can get autographed copies as well. And autographed copies. But yeah, and there's also summit coming up that you will get a copy included in that registration for the summit. That's in October. And yeah, it's going to be a great honoring for his legacy that he's done in all his speaking platforms. But the rest of us are all that are in there are mostly entrepreneurs that do this kind of work as well. And like I shared a little snippet of my book, the story that I put in there, because we're, we all have a chapter in the book, basically. And the story that I talked about his and I use a lot of his quotes to that or have inspired me is all about the forgiveness that I had to reach for looking at myself in the mirror and realizing that it's who I was looking back at in myself was that maternal instinct to have to heal. And this is another tool that's coming up for me to mention here is that when you're healing maternal wounds in your past, it's on the right side of your body, when it's fraternal issues, it's on the left side of your body. So when you're looking in the mirror, and you're having difficulties forgiving somebody like your mother like myself, it will manifest on the right side of your body in any kind of pain. And I'm the living example of it. It has for me, I had to have right hip surgery, and now I'm having right shoulder surgery, even though my mother didn't cause that it happened to me because of working so much, and so forth. But fraternal is the left. So that is where, constantly in our journey of healing, we're learning to embrace the masculine and feminine energy that we all are, believe it or not, males and females are both masculine and feminine energy. So that's where the woundedness needs to heal when you can correlate that pain of your body and make it channeled into purpose. And that's what you can do is look in your eyes like and I get people to do this with my neuro linguistic programming. And hypnotherapy is they look in a mirror at themselves in that right eye and they forgive the maternal side and you have to have a witness to do this because it's very healing when you do, you can write the letters but when you have a witness to that healing process, it is so eye opening like Literally and figuratively, you know, like it is, it's very powerful. So I just felt like I needed to share that in that moment. Because again, I visit that from time to time, like, especially even now I'm going to another layer deeper with the surgery I'm going through, I honestly feel I don't need the surgery. And I feel that it's not even going to be much of a surgery because I've been doing so much of my work. And that's what can happen, believe it or not, you can go under surgery, and they come out saying like your tumors gone, like we don't know how to explain it. And that's been what's happened with neuro linguistic programming and hypnotherapy. So I can honestly encourage you that, you know, keep doing the work that you're doing, and I really commend you for it. And, and it's not easy to take yourself there, we'll just reiterate that for your benefit. But once you get there, it becomes easier, if that can make sense to
Melissa Bright:
Yes, and I, I totally agree with you in that aspect is it does get easier. Every time. And each time I feel like in the past year, I have totally started living my true self because I have started healing, looking inward learning about different types of therapy, I have done all this stuff. And I owe that to myself. And I'm worth getting the healing and not being miserable and depressed and feeling sorry for myself and all the other things I know I deserve to be happy and to be in peace and to not have ailments and to not have anxiety. And I'm proud of myself for doing that. And anybody else out there in the world that has been through anything traumatic or dealt with anything, you guys owe that to yourself as well. And it's okay to give yourself healing. Sometimes people don't feel like they're worth the healing. And they are
Kate:
exactly and and that whole worthiness is really what the core is. And I just felt when you were saying that, that I needed to tell people this EMDR hug it's called the butterfly hug. And when you're feeling anxiety, it is something that I encourage my clients when they come to me and they're hyperventilating, or they're working through their emotions is that when we hug ourselves, it releases the endorphins from our brain naturally the natural good chemicals from our body. But when you do that, and you're gently tapping your fingers on your forearms, as you cross your arms across, it brings the central nervous system calm, and it makes you breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. And just fluttering your hands on your forearms, as you do that brings you into the parasympathetic nervous system response that you want. So this is another tool that I was just guided to share with your listeners for those that are going through, especially in isolation right now still, that people need these tools, these techniques, and it's very soothing. It's very comforting, because when I'm helping people work through, if they're telling their story and they get triggered, this is what calms them down and keeps them in their body. So it's very, very healing. So just a lightly gentle tap like your your fingers or the butterfly's wings just fluttering because the butterflies symbolizes rebirth, right? So rebirthing, that inner knowing in that listening of that voice that you're finally getting to share with people is healing in itself. And that's why I encourage podcasts like this, because you're getting to speak your truth. And wow, what a catalyst you're being for so many people here and I just I'm so honored to be here and to share all this with you. You're You're such a bright light to share this. I just, I'm honored. No, thank you
Melissa Bright:
really thank you very much. Okay, I just have two more questions for you. If you could give in a single sense, I'm going to challenge you on this one in a single sense to, to my listeners out there that have gone through tragedies, trauma, whatever it is depression, what would your one, what would your message be to them?
Kate:
Hmm. I recently spoke on a platform where it was to all orphans. And this was almost the same proposed question. And I can honestly say that if I could take back anything, it would be to just truly or to honor anything that has been my biggest message in life is that truly honor yourself? And how can I put it into words without getting emotional? Know that you are worth the life that you came here to be. You have much more purpose and strength than you give yourself credit and the strength that you show every day to get up with the courage that you have to muster the strength in everything that you are, is so worth it because others see that because we all learn by example and if you can continue to be that example of strength and courage. It gives hope much more a better meaning and Sorry, my hearts, sneaky now that you come from that love for yourself first when you can do that, and when you can shine that love to the world because you're giving it to yourself first. That speaks more volumes to people and it convinces them to heal because they want to love themselves. That's really truly All we want is the love to fall madly and deeply in love with ourselves. So others will love us just like we are. And because that's all we are, is to love. But that love gets tainted because of our trauma and our pain and turning that around and making it our purpose and our passion to help others. And that's what I did is that my mother died being a missionary and as much pain that I had towards her for the pain that I had internally held in that I couldn't even prevented that accident when I knew she wasn't to leave, I had to let go of that responsibility. And take responsibility back for my own freedom and my own choice of forgiveness. And I'm here to say you can do it because you are making each step in the right direction for who you are. And don't let anybody else stop you. Because they're just naysayers. They're actually wanting to be like you if there is any criticism coming from you. Like you said earlier. There's jealousy and everyone. But that being said, it's they're not working through their stuff. So don't let their darkness affect your light from shining. Yeah, so
Melissa Bright:
that was that was beautiful. That's so beautiful. All right, I just have one last question for you, Kate. in your own words, what does the bright side of life mean to you?
Kate:
Wow. Being here today with you is the bright side. Today, I honestly have to say that it gave me another purpose in my life to say, my voice needs to be heard. And the bright side of life for me is everything that I choose to focus on the belief systems that I choose that I'm worthy to be heard on this platform like others that I hope to be honest, well, and I am deserving. So I keep saying the affirmations that I am love, I am worthy, I am deserving. And I am truly loved and lovable and deserving of love. Those are my key affirmations that I say that keep me on the bright side of life and keep me bringing that bright light to me. Because that's all we are is that love and light and your beautiful beacon of that. And I'm just so honored, like I, I feel everybody that comes into my life, whatever facet it is, is a gift to me, because I'm showing up, they're a gift to me and vice versa. We're just a gift for each other. So thank you,
Melissa Bright:
thank you and I feel the same to you. And I just want to say thank you so so much for coming on here to share your story to share your knowledge. It has been such great conversation, I have learned so much. So thank you very, very much for being part of this.
Kate:
No thank you from the bottom of my heart and for all your listeners much love and blessings to everyone. And just keep believing in yourself because you have a mission and a passion and a purpose here. And you wouldn't be still here if there wasn't something big for you. So believe in yourself like we are. So thank you.
Melissa Bright:
Thank you. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. I feel like this was such a wonderful episode. And I had so many takeaways. I hope you guys got a lot out of this episode. We talked about you know what it means to forgive and what that can do for ourselves. And so we are no longer holding ourselves prisoner. And we talked about limiting beliefs, how we can fix those. We also talked about eight daily activities that you guys can start doing today if you might have anxiety or something with the EMDR hug. Or if you guys want to write yourself that letter with your non dominant hand I had never even heard of that. So I'm definitely going to try that. So I'm just even editing this episode. I even learned more than when I was originally even talking to her. So I just hope you guys got the same out of it as I did. If you guys would like to connect with Kate I will be dropping her information in the show notes so be sure to check that out. I wanted to quickly mention that if you guys have not yet subscribed to the podcast, go ahead and do that. That will also get you guys notified when a new episode drops. Also, I have been sending out regular emails with a couple nuggets in there. So if you guys are not part of the email list, go to the bright side of life podcast com. You guys can join the mailing list, you guys can get a freebie I'm actually going to be doing another freebie soon. Right now it's a mental health coloring page, but I think I'm going to be up in it to a self care planner. So go ahead and subscribe to that you'll be notified about anything else that I have going on. And as always guys, if you know anyone that Mainly to hear Kate's story please share this episode with them because you never know if this is the one that puts hope back in their heart.
The Perfect Storm-The Power Of Forgiveness
Kate Vrastak, she is a Canadian mental health professional in Social Services with certifications in Grief Therapy, Suicide Prevention, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, ABA, Shamanism and a Reiki Master. She has been an orphan since age thirteen helping trauma survivors find their voice and the power of forgiveness. She is a powerful role model as she found forgiveness for the murderers that took her entire family. She has developed and teaches effortless processes that allow individuals to fall in love with themselves.
In addition, Kate has a wealth of knowledge and expertice working with children, youth and adults who have various degrees of disabilities, depression, anxiety, Autism and PTSD. Her gift is to help orphans and trauma survivors find their voice, overcome their fears and live their best life.
