Guiding our dogs through a human experience. Tracy Franken's story.

Tracy Franken: 0:00

So the core foundation of the work that I do is all about this idea of being proper leaders for dogs, and a leader being someone that guides dogs through a human experience, right? That's so important to them.

Melissa Bright: 0:15

Welcome to The Bright Side of Life, a podcast where people share their personal stories of struggles, pain and grief. But through all of that, they are still able to find the joys in life. Hello, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of the bright side of life. I am your host Melissa bright, and today I am talking to Tracy Franken. And there is much to be said about her. She is a comedic speaker, author and a dog trainer that specializes in human canine relationship, relationships, and she works with dark dog lovers from all over the world to help create amazing relationships with their dogs so that the training becomes effortless, and living with their dog becomes fun and easy. Now I have to tell you this little tidbit about Tracy she lives with besides her three amazing kids and her husband, three horses, three goats, six cats, six ducks, a mini pig. Oh, and are we at 18 Dogs are 616 Dogs

Tracy Franken: 1:33

exchanged off now. Yeah. 16 dogs.

Melissa Bright: 1:38

She has a zoo? No, not literally. But literally. Yes, Tracy, welcome to the show. How are you doing today? Very well.

Tracy Franken: 1:47

I'm very excited to be here. I'm so glad we could connect like this.

Melissa Bright: 1:52

Right here on stream yard and not in Google meet me to actually

Tracy Franken: 1:57

play. It's amazing where you'll meet people.

Melissa Bright: 1:59

Exactly. So today we are going to be this is like an episode I have never had before because instead of talking about humans, we're going to be talking about humans and dogs. And I feel that this is an important topic because so many of us have little doggies in our house or big dogs. And I don't want to say we're doing anything wrong. But there's so much education that we can can learn. And Tracy is going to specifically be teaching us how our dogs are affected by our emotions and our grief and how we can protect their spirit while still allowing them to be part of our grieving process instead of leaning on them as emotional support. So that'll be a big topic today. And then we'll veer off on other different tangents to Tracy, I wanted to ask you, would you mind sharing the story if you feel that this is the important, like shift that you have that you shared with me about what grief you went through? And what that really? How that affected your dog? And you?

Tracy Franken: 3:10

Yeah, absolutely. So as, as Melissa mentioned, there, I have 16 dogs, I live with many, many dogs. And when you live with a lot of dogs, you have to kind of shift your perspective on who dogs are, what they are innately. And so I have always sort of strive to have a more natural relationship with dogs honoring who they are their specific breeds. And that's basically what I teach. So the core foundation of the work that I do is all about this idea of being proper leaders for dogs, and a leader being someone that guides dogs through a human experience, right? That's so important to them. We've taken dogs at a canine Ville and we've put them into humans Ville, and we need to be a guide for them to help them be the best versions of themselves in this experience. So leadership is a big thing that I help people with. And then relevance and fulfillment and all the things that make our dogs whole. And I have been you know doing this for a number of years now. It's it's the core of who I am. It's everything that I am. Yeah. And I'm going along in my life and I'm doing everything fine. And then suddenly without, without warning, my father passed away. And it came at a time in in my life where I had just convinced my parents to finally retire. They were gonna move out here to Nova Scotia to be closer to us with the kids and live this nice idyllic coastal lifestyle. My dad and I used to talk every single week on the phone and we were planning these like amazing things right like it right down to the every detail of like he was going to get a cottage that the grandkids become and we both wanted a Jeep because you know he should have a Jeep when you're driving around on the beaches and stuff and he didn't want to drive anymore so he's like I'll give you that Jeep Tracy but you have to drive me to my doctor's well if we had everything figured out and I was so excited for this next stage for them to retire and get the the retirement of their dreams kind of a thing. Yeah. And literally without warning, he had a heart attack while making his famous spaghetti sauce. Oh my gosh. And and yeah, so that kind of hit that news hits and I'm I was far away from them. Like they were in Ontario. I was in Nova Scotia. And you know, when the when you first hear the news, your first thing is I just gotta get home, you know, like, and so I flew home to Ontario and I was there with my mom and my brother and sister and everybody came down and and you know, you go through the shock of it. And then I had to come home to my family, my kids and explain to them now we finally used to call my dad grumpy instead of Wolfie. My my daughter whose name is Paisley when she was really small, she couldn't say grumpy so she or grandpa, so she called him grumpy, but she also called herself pissy. Upgrade jet, adventurous, grumpy and pissy doing things. So I had to come home to my family and I was being strong, right? I was being strong, you know, get you know, we were I was trying to hold it together for everybody and make sure that my kids were okay. And I thought everything I thought I was doing a great job. I honestly did. I was like, I am handling this well, like what a mature adult. I am like, this was basically my first close family grief. Like I've obviously I've lost my grandparents. And that was tragic. But this was, I think this was my first real grief. Yeah, losing a parent. And I am going along, I was back for maybe a week or two. And I'm like, I think I'm doing well. I'm answering the kids questions and all of this stuff, and I'm doing everything fine. And one day, I walk into my bedroom. Now I have Newfoundland dogs, right. So if anyone huge, anyone doesn't know what Newfoundlands look like, they are 100 pounds or so Harry slobbery kind of. And my dogs are the dogs that I use for demos. They're the dogs that go into people's homes, they're very, very calm, they're well behaved. We have this hashtag called just good dogs. They are just good dogs and take them anywhere. They're so well behaved. I've never had to discipline any of these dogs. I walk into my bedroom. And I literally had to stop and do a double take because I look over on my dresser. My 100 pound female Newfoundland dog is sitting on top of my dresser just sitting there. Like, hey, right, stopped. And I looked at her and I was like, what is actually happening? And then she had that look up? I'm not sure. Really. I'm not sure how I got up here. I'm not sure why I'm up here. I just know that I'm up here. And this is where I'm at now. Yeah, that's when it hit me. I looked at her and I thought, Oh, I am not handling this. Well. I am not dealing with my own emotions. Well, I was so worried about being everything to everybody else, that I hadn't really processed that and the thing with dogs is that dogs are very, very honest. They will they and you can't lie to them. You can't fake it with dogs, they will read and pick up on every little thing that you do. And because these are really great dogs and they don't do anything bad. This was just a dog that was clearly confused. And I think she had that my leader my guide, my human is broken. And I don't know what to do. So she jumped up on a dresser and I was like, Okay, we're gonna have to, we're gonna have to do some serious work here and figure out what's going on with me. So that was sort of the the first time that I actually had to stop and go, you know, I'm gonna thank my dogs for saying you know what, you need to take some time and you need to, you need to step back and just let this process happen. I just put a wall up and was like, my dad is gone, but it's okay. A, because I'm here and I'm here, I got to do this for my family, but she was the first person to be like, you're not good. You need to work this

Melissa Bright: 10:09

out. Oh, my gosh, I, you had already shared that story with me. And first of all, we have very, very similar experiences with losing our dads in certain ways. So I was not close with my father for a number of years for no other reason, then he just did not want to be part of me and my brother's life. And that was a very hard pill for me to swallow. This wasn't I don't, he never said that. It just the actions, you see the actions and he wasn't in my life. And I was a daddy's girl before my parents divorced when I was really, really young. So my dad called me during COVID and said, he lived in Texas at the time, he hasn't lived in Missouri since I've been a little girl like seven years old. And he's like, I'm retiring. And I'm moving back to Missouri. And I literally, I was like, This is my chance, this is my chance that I can have the relationship that I've always wanted with my dad, three hours that he is going to live away is now nothing compared to the 14 hour drive that he's been for most of my life. This is it. And sure enough, they went in in December of 2020. He had already had multiple, he already had a heart attack already had triple bypass surgery. They said you need a new heart and you can't leave this hospital until you get a new heart. So he passed away after he had a heart and a kidney transplant double like back to back. So similar stories of just the what you were so hoping was about to happen. Yeah. Yeah. And it just takes you completely by surprise. And I had my dog here, but he did not do what what your dog did. How did that? How did that help you? Besides making you aware that you weren't okay, what were some steps that you did? Doesn't matter if it was with or without the dog that you did to try to start processing the grief because mine didn't happen in two weeks when I lost my mom that happened like 10 years. 10 years later?

Tracy Franken: 12:34

Yeah. Well, I mean, I know for me, it's it. It started with the awareness. Absolutely. Like that. I think awareness is probably the most beneficial thing that that we can that we can get. And that's that is sort of where it started. And just sort of that moment of going, Okay, I'm not okay, well, then how am I? Right? Like, like, I actually had to stop and go, if I'm not okay, what, what am I then, like, what an amazing facade I had put on to fool even myself, right? Believing that I was okay. So a lot of that came where I I said to my I took my I took my husband aside and I was like, I'm might just fall apart. And I think I need to fall apart. Right? Like, I'm struggling so much to stay together. I think I might just need to fall apart. And, and God love him because he he and we all have this sort of came at a perfect storm. But I mean, we had COVID And then my dad died. And then my mom didn't have a place to replan anymore. And it was like, well, your sister goes well, she could still go to the east coast and move in with you. And I was like, she can do what now? Like of course I'm I'm like, Okay, I guess that's what has to happen kind of a thing. So that happened then my sister was like, oh, we'll also move to Nova Scotia. And I'm like, what is actually happening? Like it went from my dad and I driving on the beach and a Jeep to all so there was this perfect storm of stuff and I had all of these different emotions as emotion of I don't I'm too young to have my mom move in with me like that's not this. I'm not in the right state. I still have kids at home. So I literally turned to him and said I might just have to fall apart a little bit. I intentionally took a step back from my business because because my work i i dropped the idea of dog training long ago. And in a lot of cases, the work that I do because I have focused much on the relationship that people have with their dogs. It almost is like a Like coach or a therapist for people, like I get to come in because the dogs tell me what's going on. Right? And it's, it's funny because for me, I've been saying these things to people. And now it was happening to me. And I was like, Oh, well, those times where I have to take my own advice, shoot, you know, yeah. So it really was I took it, I had to take a step back, because I knew emotionally I wasn't able to, to help people, I did actually take a lot more time to just be with my animals to be in nature to go back to, instead of them working, because I would take them to work with other people, I got them to work with me. Right? Like, go for a walk in the woods, just you guys and me. And we're going to go and rediscover some things. And we're actually going to practice what we preach. Right? And it was such, I'd set up a journal entry that every day I was going to go into nature, with my animals, and I have a lot of them. It was a lot of therapy time when it comes down to it. But I mean, I would find myself sitting just in the lawn, and I let my goats out. And they just graze around me. And I would just be there in that moment, actually listening to the sound of them eating, and all of that stuff. And it literally did just help sort of take this cloud off of me. And I had a moment of I'm going to be okay, because I think that was the one thing that my dad always taught me my dad when I was a kid. I used to think that he was tough, right? Like he was just he was a tough dad. Like, we didn't have like this soft Dad, we have a dad that you had to do your chores. And you had to do the fire war. Yeah. And if you you are sad, you just you wipe your tears and pull your socks up and get back out there. Yeah, I remember when I was a kid, I was like, Connie is awful. Like, he's just so me. Like, I'm feeling sad. And he was the caring chi. She was always like, come here. And you know, yeah. My dad was always like, are you done? Right? Get back out there. And I had a moment I was I was in the field, I had my horses that with me, I was walking with some dogs. And I had a moment where I just I felt as though my dad was like, You're gonna be fine. You know, you're I've done that for you. And it was, it was sort of through that experience of taking the three, the three months off and just with them and reconnecting and settling everything down and going okay, well, things are going to be different now. And about it.

Melissa Bright: 17:45

Yeah. Did you ever have any other kind of experience with them, as you did with the one dog on the dresser or during this three months? How did they act differently? How are they acting or being? Acting?

Tracy Franken: 18:04

Yeah, they do act differently. And I, I actually utilized it as a learning experience, not only for me, but for a lot of mine. Because, as I've mentioned before, my my foundation of everything that I teach people is this idea of leadership. And because we know and we all know, innately our dogs feed off of our energy, right? If you're excited about something dogs are always up for a party, right? Always. You're like, I'm really excited. The dogs like, I don't know what we're preparing for. But I'm there, right? Yeah. And if we're sad, they seem to know, right, they have a softer, quieter energy they come in. So dogs are constantly feeding off of our energy and reading our energy. So I always used to be talking to people about this idea that proper leadership means so that we have to have our energy and check where is our mind that if we're frustrated, embarrassed, like most people coming to me have dogs that have, you know, behavior problems, and they're embarrassed by them. And that embarrassment is what is blocking them from actually being able to assist the dog for the right decisions they want them to make. So there are so many feedback that you get from the dogs, but see, every dog is different. So in this case, I had a very soft dog that didn't really know what to do. So she was confused. So she's like, I'm gonna jump on a dresser that was her way of telling me a stronger type dog. Those kinds of dogs will take over for you. Right? If they think that you're down and out. There'll be like leaders gone, someone's gotta be in charge hear me. And we'll see that all the time with dogs that are now taking over the household and starting to maybe be more reactive, right? They're reacting to people coming over to the house because they're like, my owners affected the leader is gone, the leaders down. I have to protect everything in here. So depending on the type of debt And luckily for me, I have a variety of them. So I got to see the different little ways that you know, the dogs might have a Jack Russell Terrier. Yeah, he took over, he started picking fights with other dogs. He was like, I'm clearly the most qualified. Over here. So I'm going to attack this dog over here. And I'd have to be like, Oh, no, it's funny, because you're grieving. So you're like, I don't have time for this, like, just stop just. And that's where I had to go. Okay, how can I find a way to move through grief, but still maintain that leadership? Right. That's really what this comes down to. Because our dogs, it really does depend on and this I think, is the keystone of of everything that I teach, it really does depend on how you define your relationship with your dog. Right? So, and this is a no way judgment, or anybody that posts this because it is the most common phrase out there. But if we have a parent, for baby mentality about our dogs, right, if we think of them as children, our Furbabies, we say that because we love them, and we know that we love them as much as we love our children. But when we kind of have that mentality, if we get into a grief cycle, right, we are going to start to automatically feel guilty that we are not there for this first child that we have. And what happens with that is we get now grief, layered with guilt, layered with shame, layered with all the emotions that then sink us even lower to a place where we're no longer able to help them. Right. Yeah. So instead, what I like people to do is rather than think of them as Furbabies, think of them as companions, right? Companions equals, that you're going through a journey with, right, because when we guide our dogs through this journey of life through humans, Ville, if we start to break down, and we find ourselves needing a little bit of emotional support on the dog, but they're not equipped, because we've been treating them like a fur baby their whole entire life. That's when everything falls apart, and their relationship breaks down, right? Doxon human relationship is no different from any other relationship. Right? There's, it's no different we need to understand them, they need to understand us, we have to have good communication, right? We teach them some of that communication through English as a second language, right? That's obedience, that's all that training that we do. That's human communication. But we also need to learn their communication, we need to learn about their needs their things, right. So when we level that playing field for them, and we say you're no longer my furbaby, but your instead of companion, you're someone that I honor and I cherish to go on this journey with me, that role of guide can switch for you during those moments. So we can go from we need to guide them through this to they're going to guide us back to nature, they're gonna guide us back to routine, right? Like they're gonna get, they're gonna give us back to our routines that we need. They're gonna be the ones that get you out of bed, when you don't want to get out of bed. Right? As they need to go for that walk. And if we go for that walk, and instead of going to take the dog for a walk, and it's becomes the to do list if we change our attitude, just slightly and go, let's go for a walk. And let's see what you see. Let's find the things in nature let's I do an exercise called Follow the dog. And it literally is just that right? We go through and I go you know what, fair game you have to wear boots and stuff because dogs and they will if you have a view of a dog that loves this game, they'll take you right amazing the adventure that they can take you the things that you'll find you know how many totes I found the other day was, like, so many totes and big quotes by totes little totes like we were on till I'm like, look at all the totes we found like, right incredible thing and for that moment, you can forget about everything else. Just be with the dog sharing an experience together. It's not going to take away all of your grief. Obviously grief comes in waves, right? It still hits me in waves. But now when it hits me I can actually go you know what, I'm just going to sit down on a rock and hug my dog and have a moment and think about my dad and think about me my dad was one of the reasons I love dogs. Yeah, he's kind of with me. In all of these interviews options. So that's kind of that's kind of the big, I think the big shift that I'd like people to know is that if we just kind of switch our framework of how we see these creatures, as instead of being, you know, the little furry, I mean, it's hard, I get that they're just they are. But they're also geniuses. They're also skilled. They're also I mean, my Jack Russell is, he's, he could kill things like that, like, hunt, he can do amazing things, my NUFS they can rescue human beings from boats, like, they're incredible species and all the different breeds, and they all have something to offer. So when we, I feel like when we can elevate them to a level of companion, rather than I'm going to parent this for baby, right, change and shift how we can grieve. And then they will gladly walk that journey with us, they will gladly walk that journey with us, they want nothing more than to walk that journey with us. But what they don't what they can't handle, if they can't handle a huge emotional burden of taking all of our grief, they can't take that away from us, they can only be there to guide us through it. If that makes any sense.

Melissa Bright: 26:27

It makes it makes sense. What as soon as you use the child analogy, because I call Maverick, I don't call Maverick. He's my little dog. I don't call him my son. But I do call myself mom and my boyfriend, dad. And I

Tracy Franken: 26:41

don't get I do too, like that. I'm not right thing that but but the

Melissa Bright: 26:47

point that you make is almost as if they were your child, and you are putting your emotional baggage on a true child that parents have been known to do because they don't have anybody to turn to I will say that for myself, because I lost my mom at 25 My daughter was 10 at the time, she's now 20. So she is mature enough to handle some of these conversations. And I'm like, I gotta remember that she is my child. And she's not responsible for these emotions. Right? So it's, it's kind of the same analogy, that it's not their job. It's

Tracy Franken: 27:27

not their job, know, their job. And, and, and in a lot of cases, even before I lost my dad, you know, when I would go to a console, and I would walk into somebody's home and be like, Okay, let's talk about what's going on. And they'll immediately tell me, these are the problems I'm having with the dog and I'll go okay, well, is there anything going on in your life? And once that opens up, and they're like, Oh, well, this happened and my husband lost his job and this and I'm like, Okay, well, can you see how that stress that you guys are under is going to affect this. This is a living being this is a sentient being that feeds off of our emotions. So when everything around you falls apart, they they're left with that. And that's not a lot of the times, that's too much for them to take. I mean, it's one fact. I don't know if it's fun or not. But the fact of the matter is, is that emotional support dogs actually do burn out. Ones that are specifically trained to be an emotional support animal. They they actually burn out, we see that a lot where we'll see, like therapy dogs that are literally spiraling out of control. And it literally is they need to be retired. They've, they've taken on this emotional burden for too long.

Melissa Bright: 28:46

Right. So yeah, that's very interesting. But then again, not surprising. You No, no, no, no. Do you have clients that have a hard time wrapping their head around the fact that like, I'm, and please correct me if I say this, because I don't know this much about dogs. My boyfriend knows a great deal. But I feel like we all know some things and so he's like, Oh, I'm the alpha male. This is why Maverick listens to me, where Maverick doesn't listen to me that much. But I also don't discipline him as much. Is it hard for your clients when you come in and tell them like hey, this isn't maybe even actually about your dog not being good or bad. It might be because of you. It you know, it?

Tracy Franken: 29:43

It just to be hard. It used to be hard. Lots of people were like we were we we're under this mentality of you know, fix the doc right? My job is to come in that we have these problems. You come in you fix the dog, and it used to be challenging to be like it's probably not the dog Right. And I be honest with you 99% of the time, it's not the dog, right? It really isn't. And so yeah, people sometimes have a hard time hearing that. But there's been a bit of a shift now. And I don't know, when that shift came, I don't know whether or not it was with, even with Cesar Milan, maybe, but people started to go, I would get called console firms now that are like, this is what my dogs doing. I'm fairly certain it's me. And I go, Well, that's good start. Because exactly, probably is. So there seems to be a shift where people are starting to recognize that it's them. But the harder part is, is whether or not they recognize it, whether or not they're willing to change it. Ah, right. That's, that's the big thing. And depending on sort of where you lie on in your beliefs, the other challenging thing, and I feel terrible for any dog owner out there now, I mean, I grew up, you know, many, many years ago, I've had dogs my entire life, and I started training them at a very early age. And back then it was pretty simple. Also, back then there was like four different bags of dog food, and your basic collar and leash. Now, this is a multibillion dollar industry now. And the training methodologies vary right across the board. So if people go to Google, how do I got my dog to stop jumping on people, they'll get 18 different things. And then on top of that, you'll get people telling you that you're wrong, right? People willing to tell you how to raise your children, so excuse me. So you get this, you know, people going, this is the wrong method. That's the wrong training tool, you're using this thing wrong, all that stuff. So you'll get a lot of people that have depending on where they land on that, saying, I'm not willing to do this thing. And that's why I changed this might be how I word things with people so that they have a little bit easier time with it. Because people have this, they thought that leadership meant I had to be the boss of the duck. Right? And I'm like, I don't know why leadership became such a bad word. But it is in the dog industry. So that's why I changed it to I want you to think about being a leader as being a guide, right? Because literally have where you've taken a different species, and you've injected them into humans feel nothing makes sense to a dog in humans Ville. Right? Right. Nothing Why can I to a stick, but I can't chew your table leg. Why? Why can I you know, to this shoe that looks this toy that looks like a shoe but not your real shoe? Why can I just pee wherever I want to pee? Right? You know, so we have to guide them through this experience. They want to be running around doing whatever they want to do, but we have to put a leash on them. That's not fair. Right? So when I change the language around it, and how people view it, that's when people get this. Okay, this makes way more. Right? Like, oh, so my whole practice has basically been I want you to take a second and I want you to see the world through your dog's eyes. Right because you know when your dog is barking up the door and you're you're yelling at them guys shut up, shut up. Shut up. Shut up, right your dog is saying hey, just you know, warning. There's somebody here they're protecting the pack. They think they're doing a job. That's what they're supposed to do. Right and we instead get frustrated with you know, whenever my dogs bark now, I always say thank you. Thank you, you know, you can go lie down because I do but thanks I got it. Right we just need to we need to realize where they're coming from so that we're better guides for them through this experience.

Melissa Bright: 34:13

Yeah. I'm thinking about all these things that I do and I'm such a such like an empath that like I don't like doing these things. I'm like clearly there's a reason he's barking I see it there is a dog coming this way. But my ear owl that's really loud. And I of course I've heard one of these it's like if if he's yelling which barking what is that serving to just bark back at him. That's not

Tracy Franken: 34:51

with them. You're, you're here he's going Oh, good. Let's see it. Let's both barks.

Melissa Bright: 34:57

Yeah, it's Oh, Oh, it's crazy. So

Tracy Franken: 35:03

let me give you a tip I'm gonna give you this is my free tip. I should do this. Okay, I'm gonna should do this. This is a little game that I like to play called The leadership scorecard. Okay, you can start to keep track of your leadership scorecard. Now I want you to keep in mind, this game is going on whether you're playing it or not. Okay, this is how dogs, right when they were puppies, and they're playing with each other. This is how they start to figure out who's who in the pack. Right? So it's the leadership scorecard. Every single time you do something for your dog, I want you to ask yourself, was that my idea? And the dog follow through? Or was it the dog's idea? And I followed through. So if it was your idea, and you get the dog to do something, you score a point on that leadership scorecard. Okay, but if it was the dog's idea, and you follow through, then the dog scores a point on the leadership scorecard. Okay. Now, you don't want to keep a physical scorecard. This, again, is just about awareness. Just walk through your day and figure out how many points Am I losing in a day. So one of the big ways that we all lose points, every single one on a Thursday, if you are a dog lover, there isn't a person out there that doesn't lose points, is with affection. All right, so your dog walks up to you, if you immediately touch your dog, pet, your dog, squished your dog, kiss your dog, do all those things. Your dog scored a point, right? Because it wasn't really your idea. You didn't call? I mean, sometimes it is, but you didn't call the dog. All right. The dogs know if the dog wants to if the dog wants attention, they'll just come out into anybody's presence. And they'll be like, I'm gonna pet you. Because you're there, right? Yeah, do. So we lose points with affection all the time. But it applies to everything that we do. So for example, if your dog goes to the door, and barks because they want to go outside and you get up and you move your feet and you go let them out, technically, your dog scored a point they got you to do something for them. If the dog looks at you, and tilt the head, and you go, do you want to treat and get a dog a tree? The Ducks scored a point, right? So this goes on all day long. There's no perfect scorecard. Okay, your goal at the end of this isn't to be like I got all the points. And my point. The point is just that when we're talking about leadership and guidance, and being able to influence our dogs in a positive way, the scorecard comes out when it matters. So when your dog has a decision to make, so you were saying like your dog doesn't always listen to you. Right? When your dog has a decision to make like, okay, Melissa, call me do I want to come? Or do I want to just keep chewing on this toy? Right? That's when the scorecard comes out. The scorecard comes out and they look at their scorecard and they go oh, no, I don't have to do that. I'm on top here. Right? The scorecard comes out when we want to influence their behavior if they're feeling nervous, or scared or shy or whatnot. And we say it's okay, you're okay. If you're low in points on the leadership scorecard, they're not going to believe you, you're not going to be able to successfully influence their behavior. Because you don't you haven't been leading them. You haven't been getting points all day long. So there's probably a chance that you know, your significant other there is getting way more points than you throughout the day, which is why Maverick listens to him, over you. And lots of people go well, it's because I'm softer. I'm not disciplined enough. It doesn't even have to be discipline, right? Like it does be discipline. It just has to be how we how we move through space throughout the day.

Melissa Bright: 39:04

Right? That is so interesting.

Tracy Franken: 39:08

I know. And every time I give that to people, they always, they always do exactly what you do. And you looked up in the sky or you hurt yourself. Yep, I lost points there. And yep, I lose. I lose points there.

Melissa Bright: 39:21

Well, I think I'm surprised where I would lose points in terms of like you said, you go and give them affection. Like, whose idea was that? And I'm like, Well, shit, that's his. That was his idea. He jumped in my lap. Or he jumped on the bed like that was all him.

Tracy Franken: 39:41

That was all him. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's what they're good at. They're good at that. I mine are more passive, right. So my kids know this. This is the funny part my kid because they know and I talk about this all the time. Nigel will come up and he'll just sit like right here and I'll look at him and he'll be like, he'll just have a face like, right? You're gonna pat me and I'm like, Oh, you I'm like, All right, and then, like you lost points, mom. I'm like, I know, but it was worth it.

Melissa Bright: 40:18

Oh my gosh.

Tracy Franken: 40:20

So yeah, it's not about getting no like, Yeah, I mean, you're gonna lose points, that's fine. It's literally about like, anytime, if I have a dog that is now starting to blow off commands are starting to react or be reactive or feeling I have a few fearful dogs, if they're being a little bit more fearful. And then they usually are. The first thing I think about is have I not been keeping up on my points lately? Maybe I should. Right? So that I want my dogs to feel comfortable, I want them to know that they can turn to me when I when they need to, right, especially my beautiful dogs, I want them to have that comfort and that and that peace in their home to know that I have what it takes. And that's why even though like when I fell apart, that's why my dogs all started acting crazy, because they're like, we don't even know what we're supposed to do now without her right, like, so that's why I got that kind of that weird reaction of a new sitting on my dresser and my Jack Russell decided that he was going to take on the alpha male of the pack. And I'm like, why would you do that?

Melissa Bright: 41:26

Oh, my gosh,

Tracy Franken: 41:27

category of things that aren't good for your health. Don't do that.

Melissa Bright: 41:31

Right. Are you constantly still learning from your dogs? Or? Yeah, what is? What is something you feel that you've like learned? Maybe in the past? I mean, I you you lost your father recently? I lost him

Tracy Franken: 41:47

back in right before COVID? Actually, so it's 2018? September 20.

Melissa Bright: 41:53

Okay. 2018. Okay. So within the last, I mean, I don't know, it could have been yesterday, it could have been a couple of months ago, but something that you really remember that you're like, that was pretty profound, and you learn something new.

Tracy Franken: 42:05

I think the biggest thing that I can say that I've learned from from the dogs is the idea that we have to still have fun. And I know that sounds like a simple, simple thing. But I have this really, really amazing Alpha Dog. And I lost him I've lost I've lost a few dogs in the last couple of years as well, which has also been very tragic for me and, and, and, and tragic for my pack, right? Like when we lose our pack member, it changes the dynamics of all of these dogs, but Wellington was my alpha male. And he was the most incredibly stoic, beautiful dog. Like if you just saw him out there he was, he just exuded confidence. He didn't have to do anything he just was. And that in itself was a lesson, right? That, you know, confidence and Leadership isn't something you do, which is something you are, yeah, he was that. And he used to sit out. And he would watch his girls because I have a familial pack. So I had an alpha male and a breeding bench. And then I had their offspring. So I wasn't very good at getting rid of dogs. He would sit on top of in the player and sit on top of the dog house and he would have his paws crossed, and he would look so regal. And I used to watch him from my bedroom. And I'm like, he's amazing. And the dogs were the, the girls would be running around and we had a basset hound named chuckles at the time, there with and they would be like, play bow in and running and just smacking each other rolling. And he would watch them and I'm like, look at how angelic that dog is. And then all of the sudden, he jumped off the dog house. And they all kind of stuck because they're like that. Right? What's happening? Yeah. And there's this moment of freezing and he walks over to him just ever so slowly, and looks at one of them takes his big paws smacks her inside of the head and that play bows. And then he takes off and all three of them chuckles while four of them chuckles included. They go running after him. And there's barking and jumping and the whole thing. And I was just I watched this moment of pure play and joy. Yeah, I was like, how amazing and then just like that. He said, That's enough. He's walked away for them. He got back up onto the doghouse that he laid there and watch them continue on playing. And I remember thinking, what an amazing lesson about leadership. Right? You can be fun and silly and goofy and all of that stuff and that doesn't take away Know who you are doesn't take away your ability to be a proper leader to this to these dogs. And the same thing is true for. And I've shared that story with so many people, because I want people to know that, especially if you're, if you're really struggling with the dog's behavior, we tend to be, I gotta get dog under control. Right, right. Oh, I got and people say that to get your dog under control, like, judgment, right? So we have this like, Oh, we got to control. And well, it didn't have to control them. If you actually were to stop and go, What is it that the dog is actually doing? And what if I did it with? What if I stopped for a moment, and I just dug in the dirt and around with them? And I found some things like, what would happen then. And the transformation that people can have not only for themselves, but for their relationship with their dogs is so astronomical, right? My tagline for my company is beyond obedience, right? Be someone worth following, and really is putting more emphasis on us to be somebody amazing that dogs just naturally want to follow. It's way easier to teach your dog to walk on a leash when they want to be with you. Right? That, yeah, it doesn't have to be with food. That's the other thing, right? We can bribe a dog into walking with us and keep giving them food if we want to. We could go out and do an amazing adventure with them and have them go. I love hanging out with you. You're a riot. Yeah, Wellington, that taught me that. Wellington was the one that taught me that. So he was the most lost him as well. I lost him in 2019. And he will forever live in my heart. And he has shaped all of my programs that I offer people his story is in there his effort, his legacy is I guess, and all of that because it was, I remember watching it going he actually has fun with them. Like he's not constantly disciplining them and telling them not to do things and whatnot. He's, he has joy, and he has fun, and he plays with them. And so I think that's the greatest thing that I've ever learned.

Melissa Bright: 47:19

I love that. I love that. And it is so rewarding to see when your dogs are having fun. I it's, it's amazing. And I know it just brings me joy. And something I will say is my boyfriend has an electric scooter, an electric skateboard, and my dog and him for three years. Whenever it's nice outside, we have this amazing pathway along our road for probably about four miles. My dog rides on the skateboard. And I don't mean for like 10 seconds. I mean, he will go for as long as five minutes. There's a pattern that since I've done it for three years, he says, Okay, jump off. And while the skateboard is still moving, he will jump off at this part that's like safe because it's kind of by a big road. He loves it every single time. And he comes in and you just see it on his face. He like looks at me. And he's like, that was so much fun mom, like I love that.

Tracy Franken: 48:20

And the amazing thing about that is that is true fulfillment. But it's not about the skateboard. It's about the time that he spends with your boyfriend. Right? Yeah, that's, that's the stuff that warms my heart when I hear stuff like that. Because, you know, we're always so busy that we will quite often you know, we'll we'll be like, Okay, I'll just kind of throw the ball for the dog, but we're not really in it. We're just kind of lead throwing and it's not really about you, right, the dog could have just as much fun if you bought one of those automatic bolts that really stuck it out in your, in your yard. If you can find ways and ways to connect with them like that. That is the most amazing bonding experience ever. And you're right you see it in them like they have it. There's a different joy in them. When you see when they get to do something with the humans. They love. Yeah, it's just amazing. I love

Melissa Bright: 49:13

Yeah. And he knows like whenever my boyfriend picks up the skateboard, he knows he's like, are we going are we going for a ride? Are we going for a ride? He like, already knows it? Yeah, yeah. Awesome. I'll have to. I'll have to send you the video of him riding on the skateboard. But I love it. Yeah, he gets Brandon. Like there's people on their phones that will record it. We brought him down to Alabama when we went camping and like this music fest and brandom had him on the skateboard. He did have him on the leash that time because it's not a familiar area to make sure. I mean, Brandon said so many people have their phones out they could not play dog was riding on the skateboard. It's awesome. He does so good with him. Okay, I just have a couple more questions. And you may have answered it. But I'm just going to ask it in this way. If people were today like, man, everything you were saying, Tracy sounds amazing. I don't know where to start. I do have a dog that doesn't listen to me. I'm just throwing out examples. How can they start to create a better bond or relationship with their dog?

Tracy Franken: 50:26

Well, as I mentioned, I think the first thing, the first step to everything is we want to redefine or define what relationship we want. Right? That's where we always have to start. I know people, especially when there's a problem, they just want the problem fix. But and we know what we people will give you a laundry list of things that they don't want the dog to do. But I want people to actually go what do you want the dog to do? Like, let we actually have to have a path to where you want to go? It's not enough to say I just don't want the dog to jump up on people. What do you want the dog to do instead, then, right? What do you want? What what do you actually want to do? Because we can really, we, we can't do this. And dogs can't do this. We actually can't think of things in the negative, right? Like when we're when we're trying to make a change. If you if I say to you don't think about your dog right now.

Melissa Bright: 51:25

I'm thinking about my dog, you know, your

Tracy Franken: 51:27

dog, right? You can't help but think about your dog. So when we start thinking about the same thing with our dogs, I don't want them to jump up. What are we thinking about the dog jumping up? So, you know, we have to actually start going well, I need to think about what is it that I want the dog to do? So we start with the basics of let's break down? What is it that you actually want? What kind of relationship do you want with this stock? Right? Let's define that first. And that's usually even not where everything's kind of sort of cracks open, because people will be like, I don't know. I have no idea. What what kind of relationships are there? Right? There's the parent, baby one. There's employee boss, there's an employee boss relationship, those are the ones where we're just constantly feeding them rewards. Like we're paying them for doing stuff for us, you can and, hey, none of them are wrong, you can but you need to decide what that's going to be the amount of people actually that say to me, I don't want to walk around with a tree pouch in my hand every time I take the dog out. I mean, either. I never remember it. I don't remember my car keys Half the time I don't mind. Right. So you just need to define what that is, once that's defined, and we start to shift our focus on what is it that I want? That then is actually easy. I don't want to jump on people. What do you want me to do instead? What I'd like them to just sit and be calm. Okay. Well, what that we can do, that we can work on? Absolutely. Instead of thinking about correcting the dog, like I'm going to pull the dog off the person and yell at them and whatnot, we're now shifting our focus to when I see people, okay, there's a person coming, I don't want my dog jump up, I'm gonna actually turn and have a like, Okay, God, I need you to calm down, make sure you're calm, I'm going to put you in a sit, I might put my body a little bit in front of yours, so that you're not engaging. You know, you can do tons of things to do that. But it all starts with, define what it is that you want, and figure out the things that you want. Don't tell me all the things you don't want. Tell me what you do want, and then we can work on building that. Right. That would be where I would start for sure. And my obviously think, start looking at your leadership scorecard. Right. Your leadership scorecard because if you're really struggling to influence your dog's behavior, I guarantee you it's in the leadership scorecard. Yeah. It's in the leadership scorecard. Absolutely. Because, right if I say to somebody, I you know, like, now if I want my dog to move out of my space, I don't have to tell them anything. I just step into their space. Back out of it. Yeah, one of the right conversations that go with my dogs. Nobody hears me say any words they just oh, she moved the dogs moved out of her space. That's through leadership. That's actually a leadership principle, right? Like, I got the dog to move its feet out of my way as I walked through. How many of us do that though? We're seeing light. Like, oh, sorry, excuse me, dog. Let me just let me walk around you. How many people do this to this is another one when the when you're on the couch, and you have your dog get up and you're like, Oh, I'm sorry, do you want a bit more space and you move her so that you're uncomfortable and the dog is like line like this? Like that's exactly How to do that right? Leadership. Right? Your beds sprawls out and you and your boyfriend are like over here like Hi, honey. Leadership. I'm not saying your dog can't be on the furniture, right? I'm a person that believes you can have your cake and eat it too. You can love your dog. You can have them on the furniture that can be an exclusive party like to understand what it means to the dog. Yeah. Yeah.

Melissa Bright: 55:24

Which dog do you have there? How many are in front of you?

Tracy Franken: 55:27

There is Echo Nigel the dog. That's Burkina Caesar. He's my senior citizen guys going deaf and blind. So yeah. And then I have roo and Irie. So

Melissa Bright: 55:39

they've all been there the whole time. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my gosh, that's amazing.

Tracy Franken: 55:45

Yeah, like my eye on here. There's Nigel's over there. I don't know if you can see it. It's hard. Yeah, my computer around. But yeah, they run on the concept of if I'm sitting there sitting, if I'm relaxing, they're relaxing. If I get up and move, they'll all follow me to the next room. That kind of thing. Yeah, I can never play hide and seek in my house. Hi, hide anywhere. All five of those six of the dogs will just sit and stare at the closet like she's in there.

Melissa Bright: 56:14

Right? That's hilarious.

Tracy Franken: 56:19

You always know where you are, honey. Yeah.

Melissa Bright: 56:22

Yeah, yep, exactly. Have we left out anything? Have we left out anything that you feel is still important worth mentioning in terms of our relationships with our dogs?

Tracy Franken: 56:36

Um, no, I don't think so. As I say like, just to sort of recap it. I think the biggest thing with with our dogs is to really honor who they are. Right? It's is it is a relationship, right? It's in a relationship is a two way street. It's about mutual respect for one another, I want a dog to respect me. But I also have to respect them. Unification, mutual communication, teach them Sure. But you can also learn what their body language means what they're saying to you. There's so much that we can learn about them. And through that process, we create a deeper, more meaningful bond with them other than just they're really cute. And they like to eat a lot of treats. Right?

Melissa Bright: 57:20

Right. Exactly. I completely agree. Well, thank you so much for sharing that. Tracy. If people want to connect with you or find out more about your work, how can they do that?

Tracy Franken: 57:33

I am I will open beyond obedience.ca is my website. I also found on Facebook, right beyond obedience Facebook page as well. I started doing tic TOCs right now they're mostly about my ducks. I'm not gonna lie. I'm in love with my ducks right now. But so I am on tick tock as well, Tracy and beyond obedience, and Instagram as well. Perfect. Yeah.

Melissa Bright: 58:05

And I hear you have a surprise for my guests. Is this true? I

Tracy Franken: 58:12

do I do. So I actually did this specially for your audience, Melissa, because I have an amazing exercise that I get from anybody that goes through my programs, I get them to do this exercise, it's called be with. And essentially it is a meditative, calming exercise and awareness that you do with your dog. But it also tells us a lot about how the dog is feeling in this moment. So we can actually find out how your dog feels about you. By doing this exercise, it's a really cool exercise really simple, it literally is just that you're going to be with the dog without any manipulation or whatnot, you're not going to look at them, talk to them, touch them any of that thing. We're just going to sit and see. And then I help you analyze what your dogs are saying to you. So it's kind of cool. So what I've done for your audience is I've given that to you guys absolutely free. So if you go to my website at beyond obedience.ca and then slash Brightside, you'll get access to the video training as well as the workbook. And you'll get an email from me saying that if you really want some help, you can send me an actual video of your viewer session and I can help you problem solve it.

Melissa Bright: 59:34

Wow. That sounds amazing. And I'm going to do that because I want to see how my dog feels about me or how he feels in general. How he feels in general. Yes. Awesome. Well, thank you. And just so you guys know that link will be in the show notes so you guys can go to that right now or whenever you guys want to. So thank you, Tracy, one last question for you. I asked all of my guests this, in your own words, what does the bright side of life mean to you?

Tracy Franken: 1:00:08

The bright side of life to me means absolutely without a doubt taking each and every moment that you can to find the tiniest little bright light. So whether or not for me, that's usually a shimmer in a tree. It's, believe it or not the other day for me, I thought I tried to find bright light in everything to me, there was a shimmer on my, my goats coat, oh, just this tiny little shimmer. And I was like, there's my light. There is light everywhere. And when you look for those moments to just see that light to remind you that everything is going to be okay.

Melissa Bright: 1:00:53

I love that. I love that so much. Where you could find it? I know. Exactly. Exactly. Thank you so much for coming here to share all of your amazing knowledge. This was so so awesome. I appreciate it.

Tracy Franken: 1:01:09

You're welcome. Thanks for having me.

Melissa Bright: 1:01:12

Thank you guys for listening to this week's episode of The Bright Side of Life. Tracy's episode was awesome. I was so happy that I could have her on the show. When she messaged me and told me about what she did. I was just like, yes, let's do it. If you guys follow me on social media, you know that my little Maverick is my little buddy. And I want to learn because I haven't always been around dogs all my life. And this was such a fun opportunity to learn and then pass the knowledge on to you. And also guys don't forget to go grab her free be with exercise so you guys can learn more about how the dog is feeling. And that is in the shownotes you guys can go to that right now. And if you guys know anyone that may need to hear Tracy story and all of her expertise. Please please share this episode because we never know if this is the one that puts hope back in their heart.