June 15, 2021

Trusting yourself. Tim's story on walking out of hell from Long Haulers.


On Febuary 17th of this year Tim started getting chronic headaches, dizziness, and no energy. He knew something was off. Little did he know he would be in this same painful state for the next three months with the diagnoses of Long Haulers, people living with post-COVID syndrome. Tim has been in hell, but through trusting his self, advocating for himself, and having his community rally around him, he is finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Tim has an inspiring message he wants to share with the world.
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Transcript

Tim:

I'm still walking out of hell, but I know what direction I'm, I'm walking now. And I know I'm not gonna stop regardless of what happens at this point. And like I said, in our last episode, I'm gonna vote. I'm taking care of my life. Welcome to the bright side of life, a podcast where people share their personal stories of struggles, pain and grief. But through all of that, they are still able to find the joys in life.

Melissa Bright:

Hello, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of the bright side of life. I am your host, Melissa Bright. And today, we have a very, very, very exciting episode. We have brought back Tim Husserl for his second episode. And he was the most downloaded episode that I have had on my podcast with almost 500 people listening to his last episode. So this is a little bit of a different story. His last story was his The title was kind of like a mind shift where Tim where he came from to where he started kind of with his real estate business, but then also how he had to change his mindset. But within the past couple months, Tim has unfortunately been diagnosed with long haulers, which would which is a post COVID. How do you explain that post COVID something or another. But it's been a long journey, even for these past three months. And he literally has been through hell still kind of in hell getting better. And we just have a long, long story to talk about everything that's been been going on, because it's been quite a story. So Tim, I'm so happy you're here again, to share yet another story. I think I'm happy. I mean, I'm happy to talk to you. But I wish it could be on on a different story topic. But yeah, some. Oh, no. It's crazy. Okay, so let's just bring it back. Now, Tim, his episode him and I did an episode back in February, I think it was February 2 was when his last episode released. And it's Episode 21. If you want to go back and check it out, it's all about mind shift and all these wonderful things super inspiring episode. And then I get a message from Tim on March 3 saying, Hey, who do you do therapy through, so on and so forth. And I said, Oh, is everything okay? And he said, something is off with me. Something's going on with my hormones. Something's just not right. And so, you know, I gave him some information. But that is kind of what how I came. It kind of sparked everything. And that's kind of when stuff started happening for Tim. So Tim, kind of right around that time of whatever the timeframe end of February, whatever what started happening to you, physically and mentally, if you can go into that.

Tim:

Yeah, so it all started. February 17. I was taking my daughter Haley out for a daddy daughter date, which I do on Fridays. And I went to pick up t shirts from my T shirt lady Angie, and having a conversation. And I just got hit like it was like a light switch just got hit with something. I'm like, what was that just in the middle of a nice easy conversation and had a chronic headache immediately. And I was dizzy. Was was what I noticed at first. So I go to take my daughter out. I'm like, hey, do you care if we had home night, I'm not feeling real good. And she's like, we'll do it another night. So I went to her basketball game The next day out in Rolla. And driving out there at my just head was hurting, was dizzy, really tired. So I drank an energy drink, which are bad for you anyway, but so I take one of those to get some energy and I'm sitting at her game. And I can barely keep my head up. Like I have no energy. I'm dizzy. I couldn't watch the kids play. I'm like, man, something. Something's wrong, like something's off and I don't and I'm an athlete, or train myself like an athlete. So I know something severely wrong, right? And that's why I was hormones. I'm like, maybe I overtrained. Maybe I'm not eating something properly. And then so I went through rest and relaxation, which is hard for me to do. For a couple weeks until I finally reached out to you. I'm like, nothing's getting better. I need to someone.

Melissa Bright:

Right? Who do you think? So then I started talking to someone, I'm sorry, do you have some? Well, I was in terms of like the mental. So what did it do to you like mentally for those three weeks? Because obviously, and I'm kind of the same way, cuz once the physical stuff starts happening, then the mental stuff is just easy to follow. You're like, what the hell is going on? So what? How are you feeling those first, like couple weeks? And then you reached out to me? Because I mean, your first question was a therapist, so you, obviously was somewhere bad mentally are not in a good place.

Tim:

I was scared, I was terrified. I'm used to going 100 miles an hour, I'm on a very good schedule. I like my schedule. And I couldn't maintain any of it. And I just I didn't have answers for what I was going through for myself. Went to the I think one doctor before I talked to you, and she's like, oh, you're depressed? Very simple to see. And I'm like, no, no. What do you mean? It's simple, like, I don't feel good. Like, I'm not having bad feelings about myself. I don't feel good. And it has me questioning what's going on. So that was the first diagnosis. And so then I'm like, maybe if I talk to someone, they'll be able to say, Hey, I'm looking at you from the outside. Here's what's going on. Talk to people, and they weren't a good fit for me. The first guy shows up to our zoom meeting. 10 minutes later, he's still laying in his bed. He's like, sorry, I just woke up. And I'm like, this isn't gonna work. Like I'm going through some. Yeah. I have a really good guy that I talk to you now. But yeah, he was. He was really nice to talk to just chilled and laid back. He's like, sorry, I just, you know, I slept in. I'm like, he sounds chilled and laid back. He was in his damn bed. From a bowl of cereal or something.

Melissa Bright:

Oh, my God. Okay, so you were talking? And were these therapists? Who were these people that you were that you were talking to at this point? Or what were they considered? Just, that's that's who the most talking to at first? Okay, gotcha, gotcha. So then you reach out to me, I tell you, whatever, and then continue to where you're where you're going with this story?

Tim:

Yeah. So first doctor says antidepressants. I knew that's what it was. It wasn't that. So I go see another doctor in that office. And they said, they said the same thing. They're like, you know, we checked our your vitals, your, your air is reading good. Your air is reading good. your vitals are all good. They couldn't they couldn't find anything wrong. So this is this has to be what it is. And so this is a second person that gave me an antidepressant. I'm like, I still know this, isn't it?

Melissa Bright:

Did you? Did you take them? Like, did you get the prescription? Or were you just like, yeah, that's not gonna work.

Tim:

The first two, I did not get prescriptions. Yeah. So then then I go to the hospital, because the headaches were so bad. And they were all centrally located in the center my forehead. It was like somebody was taking a knife and just twisting it. And the time I woke up, I'd say within 10 minutes of waking up at the time I went to bed, somebody just taking a nap and doing this. And it's just awful. So I forgot who said I might have a blood clot or something. So I'm like, let's go to the hospital. find that out. Right? I go to the hospital. They give me Lorazepam and something for a headache Lorazepam for anxiety. And after 10 or 15 minutes, I felt great. I'm like huh you know the headaches died down and went from like an eight to like a three I feel good. So we go back home, and the headaches just don't get any better. I don't know what's going on. And so summer calls the doctor the hospital ER and she looks up at the hospital what they gave me at the hospital and we found out it was the Raza bam. I'm like I don't want to take an anxiety medication I'm this is an anxiety I don't want to Band Aid this with that, right. So then I go to the hospital again, because the headaches were bad and the breathing was starting to get worse not my breathing starting to get worse. And I got a pre prefix this with my breathing was so good. I trained with an oxygen mask, so I wouldn't have known it was breathing right away, because I'll run on a marathon just to run one. You know, that's so I didn't recognize that it was getting worse and worse. Until I didn't realize that was the initial problem in the beginning. Yeah. Second hospital, we checked the lungs. The lungs, showed that there was no issues. I go back to the doctor asked for a third doctor. I like this doctor can tell she's listening and she wants to care while my vitals again and she goes, Yeah, I definitely recommend this antidepressant. And I'm like, I'm not depressed. And that was the one that I took to the pharmacy. And I asked how much it was, there was the first time I was going to fill it. How much does it take to fill and they said, 150 bucks. I'm like, I'm not spending 150 bucks on something that I know that's not wrong with me. Right? We need to figure something else out. But I did get Lorazepam filled at that time. Just in case my headaches were so severe. I wanted to try one. Right.

Melissa Bright:

Can I ask you this? Why was every doctor keeping keep reverting back to depression, even though your physical symptoms of chronic headaches? Now trouble breathing? Why would they automatically be like, Oh, you're just depressed? What? Like, what kind of what do those conversations to consist of? If? If you're playing it back in your head? Why did they keep going back to you're just depressed? you're depressed?

Tim:

So I don't think what are your thoughts? I don't really think you want to hear my real opinion on why they were they're doing it. No. Yes, I do. Okay, my, my opinion, because I've had some of dealing with doctors and hospitals, this last go around. Yep. Is that unfortunately, doctors or our lack of business, you come in, and they're going to treat you not with health and not with care. I mean, not all of them. Sorry if there's any hackers Listen to this. But all the ones that I've run across on my journey, were like, here's medication. One because they can't find an answer. And two, it's it's public knowledge that doctors get a kick off of when they give you medication. So now that's a business when a doctor says I'm going to make money by giving you medication. Let's just do that. Instead of digging a little deeper, saying, Hey, there might be other tests that you could do, or find out, which is what I had to do. I had to tell my doctor, I said, Listen, send me to an endocrinologist. I had to look that word up and figure out what it was to test my hormones and stuff like that. They did, I found out that my hormones are great that I shouldn't be experiencing what I'm experiencing. But the doctor goes. And we didn't end up liking each other either. Because the first time I met him, he goes he was saying the same things. It's up might all be in your head and stuff like that. But then he seen my symptoms. He seen my results on the second one he's like, you know, this really seems similar to long haulers. And I'm like, what's long haulers? Right. That's when I found out what I was going through. And it started showing me that I'm not crazy. I mean, I know I am. But there's something out there. Right What is I don't know, but I have it. Right. And then that led me to a neurologist. Because he said go to neurologists that because it can affect the brain and I'm thinking it's attacking my brain. I called the neurologists and this is why our health systems flawed. They said we'll talk to you in August and I'm like listen, I'm decreasing in health every single day I might not be around in August. We got we got to talk sooner and they're like that's that's as soon as we can do anything. Yeah, yeah.

Melissa Bright:

Really quickly just to explain to people this long haulers Can you explain to people what that is? Like when you found out like what, what is long haulers?

Tim:

What is my doctor telling me I have? So I would like to think of myself as an expert in log haulers because I wasn't getting any answers. Long haulers is when you recover from COVID and you can experience symptoms. As soon as you recover up to four to eight weeks afterwards. I recovered for six weeks. I had the best January in my entire life, business Family Health. Everything It was great why I knew I was not depressed, right? shoving stuff down my throat like I'm not depressed but long haulers it affects the easiest way said affects your weaknesses. So there's 100 different symptoms to long haulers. Oh don't even realize that they have Long haulers and they do you can have mild COVID and still have symptoms of mine attacked my lungs because I have asthma. never told anyone but I supposed to get an inhaler. I don't like medication, it's no secret. So I run every day to keep my lungs strong. It found my weakness and went after it. So that's that's long hours it. It has a lot of variations. It can take as long as it could be. If you have anxiety, it could break your anxiety up, which is crazy. It's a loss. It's even getting into people's bone marrows. Now it's just, it's crazy what this Chinese disease did. We're gonna, we're gonna say we was made in the lab.

Melissa Bright:

So at what point did you finally get in? Well, okay, and please tell me if we're like skipping way to a head. But at what point? Did you find out that the long haulers was for sure affecting your lungs? Like, I knew, obviously, you felt the physical symptoms. But was there a point that a doctor said, yeah, this is what it's doing?

Tim:

Yeah, but that was, yeah, that was quite forward ahead. So we want Yeah, I got a couple steps. And then we'll get right to that perfect. Friend of mine come over for a meeting in my kitchen. And it was a it was a fun meeting. It was going to be a good meeting. I like meetings. And I like talking to friends. Well, I noticed during our conversation, that I'm getting very short winded more than ever before. So I started holding on to the counter. And by the end of the conversation, I was down on one knee. And he didn't break eye contact. I mean, I wasn't, you know, I'm just barely holding on like, yeah, I'm still powering through this camera. So at that point, I told my wife he left. I was like, I can't breathe and my headaches so severe right now. I think I'm dying. And we feel that Lorazepam, that anxiety stuff. It helps with the headache. So she goes, do you think I should give you one and I'm like, break it in half. Let's see what it does broken half. Half hour later. I still wasn't breathing well, but the headaches slowed down a little bit. Initially, it slowed my body down when my body was feeling anxiety. It just ramped up so right. So I forgot where I was going from that point. Yeah. The breathing breathing, your breathing you called summer s. So I started I started taking this, I started taking that Lorazepam. Okay. I took half a pill every day, when I found out that I wasn't breathing very well. And it just got worse. So I'm like, is it this medication making it worse? What is it making it worse? I have no idea. Well, I had one day where the headaches were I mean, my headaches were ranging from on a scale of one to 10. My headaches were seven to eight all day, I had one headache. That was just a 10. I'm dying. And I didn't say it out loud. I'm not freaked out. But I'm like, this is so bad. Like, I can't function right now. Right? And it's all in the same spot. And so she's like, we're gonna take you to Barnes. And I'm not driving at this time. I quit driving quit doing anything at this point. So she drives me to Barnes. They have a long haulers clinic that I was signed up for at the end of the month. So I'm like, cool, are the end of June. So I'm like, cool. They'll see me. They'll help me and then the long haulers will be able to see what's going on. So I get there. I waited six and a half hours in the waiting room with a deadly headache. And they're like, Oh, you were the last because you just had a headache. And I'm like, nevertheless, I get I get in. And they're like we're gonna give you something for your headache. To make it go away. I'm like, fantastic. What is it? They go just a something I don't know. They rattle off some big names. And it went into my system. And it within a matter of minutes. I'm like, I don't feel good. And the nurse is still in there. She goes, what I go, I'm dying. And she goes what I go I'm fucking dying. Where were my exact words. It had ketamine in it. Found out that I'm allergic to ketamine. Holy shit. Yeah, I had the worst half hour of not not half an hour and a half of laying in that bed. They walked out. So it's just me and summer in there and I'm just feeling the worst. I've been dealing with this for months. And this was April 17. So yep, no, um, it was right before my backyard Olympics that I prepared for for two years that I couldn't show up to. Before that. I'm in the hospital thinking I'm dying from a shot they gave May we get home at two in the morning, I lay down and I couldn't sleep. And that pattern continued for 21 days. I did not sleep for 21 days. I would just lay restless. I couldn't I just it just got it got it was held. Yeah, go to the doctors. And they're like, here's I went to the Barnes clinic and they're like, here's medication to help you sleep. I tried it. It didn't work. So now I'm laying awake, feeling drugged. And it made my head even worse. So now I have no answers. I'm suffocating, lying awake on medication they say should help me. And on the 21st day of no sleep. My wife wakes up and she looks at me. I'm on the floor. She goes she okay. I was like, I don't wanna I don't wanna do this anymore. She's like, you want I'm like, we're all going to get emotional. Kathy.

Melissa Bright:

You're fine. Tim, you're fine.

Tim:

I told her I said, I don't want to live anymore. Like, I can't. Nobody. Nobody can help me. I'm not sleeping. And my kids are just watching me fall apart. not supposed to cry dammit. Okay.

Melissa Bright:

Yes, you are. It's okay. It's a feeling. It's, I promise you. It's okay. Look at me, Tim, I promise you that it's okay to cry. Okay. It's not make you weak.

Tim:

I know. I know. I'm just trying to talk. So I had the same conversation with because my mom would call and check on me. Right? Then conversation, she could just hear my voice. So she drives up. And I went late in the basement. And this is where I started meditation. La in the basement for three hours until my mom got there. And her and my wife, I mean, there's there's nothing they can do when you're in that situation. And I love them to death. And they're they're my angels. But there's nothing that no one could help me under could have could have helped me. But my my mom and my wife, there's nothing they could do. So they just tried to be there for me as much as possible. That's when I just had it. I'm like I have I'm, you know, this, this is exactly what happened. Laying down there for three hours and come back up. Maya, my four year old comes up gives me a hug. And I'm just like, I have got to do this for my kids. Like I have got I can't leave them like that is I didn't want to leave them. But I was done. So I have to figure this out. So and I got or the universe or somehow had in my head that may help me. They they're they're going to give me an answer. So I start calling mail, boom, boom. And I got an answer in the guys. I can't we have a long horse clinic we can help you and I'm like, What? No, when this is amazing, like you're gonna save my life is so incredible. And they're like, they're like, yeah, we'll have you set up for June 26 or no? Right after June 2016. That's my birthday. And I'm like, oh, oh, we can't do that any any sooner. And they're like, No, unfortunately, no. Me being a person that I am very persistent. and pulling every day. Every day, same lady, I'm like, Listen, I'm going to call you every single day because I have four children and a wife that depend on me. And my symptoms are getting worse. So I don't care if you hate me, I this conversation is gonna happen every day, get used to knowing my name, because I will keep calling you. I called her a few days in a row. And I'm still not sleeping during all this because I'm just I'm getting the mail. It's gonna save my life. And she's like, well, I can get you in the end of May. Then I'm like, shut the front door, really? And she's like, yeah, I'm like, okay, in my head. That's two, three weeks, whatever it was at the time. Can I make it two to three weeks without sleeping? Man? Okay, I guess I gotta trust God on this one. Here we go. got off the phone. And again, like, by the will of God, she calls me right back and she's like, Tim, when can you get here and this is on Thursday. I'm like, lady, I'm in the car right now. Like you want me to you want me to? I'm not really in the car. I'm like, she goes, No. Can you be here on Monday? And I'm like, Yes, absolutely. I can be there on Monday. And I gotta tell you this one big piece before we get to how we found out that I wasn't breathing. So they send me all the testing they're gonna do well, and they said it was 20 to $23,000. And they said, We don't take your insurance and So me, I'm on my deathbed. I'm gonna die, right? And I'm just tired of everything that I'm going through. I'm getting there, you know? So we were going to make it work one way or the other. Right? We've and then from that point, a lot of that, and I can't just pinpoint one person. But there were there was a GoFundMe, there was a lot of people in the country. I mean, everyone came together. Like, I've never felt that much love in my entire life. And it actually kept me moving forward on top of my family like, yeah, I, they all in all, and I don't know, the final numbers. Now, my bills total. were like, $35,000, everyone can be raised probably around 30 to $32,000. I mean, that is just mind blowing, you know, I can't even so I have to just if anyone listening that was part of that. God bless you. Thank you. Um, and that's one of the reasons I wanted to share too is when you look at me, even when I was going through everything I was going through, I look normal. I have a lot of people say, Oh, he's just depressed. Not not doctors. And I'm not naming names. But a lot of people like, Oh, he's just depressed. And I could see how you could see that from a distance. I look normal. Like, I don't look like I'm, and I'll be damned if you see me hurting in any way. Anybody? Oh, I could be dying in front of you. And I'll walk in the other room and die. You're not gonna see me. That's just not what I want. I want I don't want to show that weakness to you. Yeah. But yeah, that that's my point I wanted to share because everyone did so much.

Melissa Bright:

Yeah. And I just want to quickly add, so obviously, we're friends on Facebook, I know you from high school, I've known you for 18 years, oh my god, I don't even know. That's crazy. Um, but just to see that just even on Facebook, and I don't live in the community where we're from anymore. I don't live in Pacific. But to see that and even to just feel it on Facebook, and to see all the restaurants and all the people and all the shares and everything. They did that. But they also did that because Tim, you have such you have made such a contribution to the Pacific community also, and they knew it was time to give back to you and help you and my brother who lives in Montana, that's not even from here. His best friend lives in Pacific now. And so he was there two weeks ago. And he's like, there's Tim Husereau Tim Husereau Oh, who's Tim Husereau? Oh, and I'm like, that's the guy that was on my podcast that has long haulers. She's like, Oh, okay. Like, it was just crazy. And it was amazing how everyone came together to help you because that was like your, I don't want to say your last hurdle. But it was like God. Now you've got accepted to the Mayo Clinic, but you need Yeah, 2025 $30,000. So I just thought it was beautiful. You could feel it even just on social media. I wasn't even in the community at that point. But it's incredible, initially, to be honest, because I'm an honest person had a very hard problem with it.

Tim:

Right? When the GoFundMe started, and then the donation started coming in. I'm like, I'm, I'm a giver. That's that gets me out of bed. I don't like this. And I gotta tell you, I had a great conversation with my neighbor, Todd Hardaway. And he said, he said, Tim, walk, why do you do what you do for the community and everyone else, like, well, because God put it on my heart, and he goes, so if you're not accepting what people are doing for you, you're denying what God put on their heart. And I'm like, whoa. You're right. You're absolutely right. And yeah, I I, I've never felt that amount of love. And it just, I'm, I'm a hugger. I'm gonna hug everyone that I can't once my lungs heal. Everybody that had anything to do with it, I just, yeah, I literally. Yeah, we'll get into the part where I'm not breathing. But this will segue into that.

Melissa Bright:

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Tim:

So Monday, we we get to we get down to Minnesota. Up to Minnesota. Oh, it's in Minnesota. Yes. Why did I think it was in Arizona? I don't know. It would have probably been a lot more interesting of a dry cornfield. So you never went to Arizona. What I feel like somebody said the Mayo Clinic was in Arizona. Just kidding. Okay. They have multiple ones. Okay. Okay. It was in Minnesota. Gotcha. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, Minnesota. Okay. Well, whatever. The city was beautiful. Rochester is amazing. Because Mayo's the whole city. But the drive up there was awful with cornfields. And when I sit still to this still now even I'm not getting to where I'm at now. When I sit I suffocate my bloods not circulating properly, and my lungs aren't getting oxygen. So for seven and a half hours, I'm in a car suffocating and I kept rolling down the window. And at this point, in all the doctors still say I'm crazy. I'm just I'm depressed not let's not use crazy. I know I'm crazy. Doctors are still saying I'm depressed. Right. So I'm like, Am I just depresses that's why I can't breathe in this car like what is going on? So we get up to to Rochester, and summer my wife got us Airbnb. And to get to our room, we had to walk down a long hallway. Two flights of stairs down narrow hallway to get to a room and I'm already gassed from not not you know, sitting on a car. So we get in there. We lay in the bed the first night and the mattress did this in the middle. Oh yeah. I I'm already struggling with insomnia. suffocating. And like I'm so I stayed awake all night. Again, and I put my hope was once I get to Rochester, I'm saved. So I crossed the finish line made it there. I'm like I'm safe. First night, I don't sleep. And I put on I put something on Facebook. And then just the love came in right away. And it literally just kept igniting hope in me like people have my back. I have a support system. This feels good. And the second a second night, we started to lay down. And I'm like, Listen, I'm not I'm not going to sleep again. There's no and we have already went through a whole day of testing. Every day was a day of testing. Like we got to do something else. So she's like, well, there's a Holiday Inn down on the corner at no Hyatt. So we walked into this Hyatt, and I'm like, what are your beds? Like, you know, like, they're brand new. I'm like, let's do it. We're coming in here, right? We went to all of our stuff up and we went over to the Hyatt. And I didn't sleep that night either. Yeah, I just the certification wasn't allowing me to relax enough. I wasn't getting enough oxygen. So when I lay down I was literally suffocating. So it's not any better when you lay down. It's only okay when you stand up. Or it is better when I stand up. Okay, correct. Yes, I it's better now. We're gonna get to that point, right. But at this point, laying down I suffocate. Um, and so my, my, my lungs aren't sending enough oxygen to my brain for me to get that sleep state. So it's a horrible suffocate. It's not like, I can't breathe. It's they're not it's not. I have too much carbon monoxide is from my understanding. And it's not it's not allowing me to feel magical where I fall asleep. I'm just like, I'm out. Right? Yeah. So I just lay there for hours. Did that the second night?

Melissa Bright:

So question about sleeping like, even though you you're obviously feeling exhausted though. Like All you want is to sleep you just desperately, physically can't.

Tim:

Yep, um, there's lungs aren't getting that. And that's my best explanation. The lungs weren't giving me enough oxygen in my brain to feel comfortable to lay down. And we found that out. And I'll get to that after because Wednesday was a big day for me. Okay. So are we at Wednesday or Tuesday? Yeah. So Monday, Monday, Tuesday testing, and mayo, you have to park in a garage, go down an elevator underground. And then you have to walk quarter of a mile to half a mile to get into tomato. So it's not like, Hey, you just come into mayo. You sit in one room, and everything's fine. And now all these magical doctors come in and save your life. That's what I thought. It's you have to walk from office to office to get this testing done. And I'm suffocating with a mask on, which makes it worse, right? And we get to Wednesday. And I met with the doctor, and he's like, we got some tests and so far, like, okay, and he's like, your bloods fine, and he's going through the checklist. And then he pulls out a piece of paper. And we have some conversations, and he draws a picture of a brain. And he's like, this is the amygdala. And this is your frontal lobe. And like, Okay, he's like, you're in fight or flight mode. It goes, basically, this is all in your head. And this can be taken care of with cognitive therapy. Yeah, this is now the Fourth Doctor. And the one that I've put all my time and energy into getting to on Wednesdays telling me that this can all be fixed through therapy. And he goes, I can tell you're type A personality, and this isn't going to sit well with you. And I'm like, I'm mad. I'm pissed. Yeah. And now I'm starting to get depressed. I'm really thinking I'm depressed. He this guy's making me think. Right. So I sit there for a second. And I tried to get a thought out because I'm like, I'm talking to press. I can't think of what to ask this guy. And it clicked to me. I'm like, why am I suffocating? Like, why can't I breathe? I that has to be what's going on with me. He checks my lungs again, and the oxygen, my oxygen reader and he goes, you're at 98. He was here. You're fine. He goes, it's really all has to be in your head. So I walked out of that, and summer was sitting out there. And I'm like, and I was done. I was back to feeling like I didn't have 21 days. I'm like, right? I'm just depressed. She goes what I go, that mF setup. Presidents can be fixed with therapy. And I was I just I was lost. I was lost, right? No, we're Minnesota. I want to feel better. This is where I'm supposed to feel better. And they're telling me therapy over months is gonna make me feel better. I can't breathe right now. That's not that is not sitting well with me. Right? So summer takes me for a drive and rolls the window down. And I found that I can breathe with the window down that the air is in the face. And so I just have my head out the window breathe and, and again, I'm just searching for answers. And she drove me around for an hour and a half, two hours. And we tried to sightsee, but I get out a car, I'd walk five feet and I couldn't, couldn't walk anymore. I had to get back in the car. And it sucked because it was beautiful up there. But so we're riding I'm like, wait a minute, it just dawned on me. I took a breathing test today. Two of them. And I failed. And her name was Shannon. And she was we had great conversations. She said, you did horrible on these breathing tests. Okay, there's the light. There's the light, you know, for me to see the next day. This guy is saying I'm crazy. My tests are coming in on Thursday. So I wake up on Thursday, boom, hits my phone. Sure, shit, my lungs are screwed. There's the answer this guy, all those doctors can kiss my button now, because they're trying to shove medication in my throat or therapy, which I'll take therapy all day. But fix so I can talk to a therapist. You know? Right. Let me have a conversation. Yeah, so let me ask you this really quick. So just because I don't how was he saying your oxygen levels were good if your breathing tests were bad. What? Yeah, I know. That's what made me not understand it too. So you put the little finger thing on and anyone can buy one of these. I have one at my house which it says I'm at 97 to 98% oxygen. Okay. I did this term COVID when I couldn't take a step to it kept saying 97 night that's why I didn't go to the hospital. My co2 Max, which from my understandings your oxygen into your carbon monoxide out, I don't know, my was 30. And he said, The pulmonologist said, to make you better understanding Lance Armstrong, is that an ADA, any athletes that train themselves are at a 60 to a 70. person that's not really into fitness can be at like a 40 to a 45. euro 30. I should have been double that if not double plus a little bit more. Right. So, cuz you're very active. You exercise all the time. I was running two to five miles a day, right? Yeah, just to paint the picture for the listeners. Correct. Very active before all this area active. And before I went to Mayo, I, my breathing was so bad that I would walk to the end of my street, which is 400 feet, probably. And I was done. I thought I was dying. But yeah, so they found out my lungs were bad. Not working properly, but they don't have the testing to show. And this is what I found out through another doctor who I follow. It messes with the blood vessels. And your your air chambers and your lungs it actually mess it like it condenses them or clamps down on them. So might show a bunch of oxygen in there. But I'm not getting it to my brain, which is what was causing the massive headaches, causing dizziness, the weakness, my oxygen wasn't going like it should have been. Alright. So on Friday, they gave me a breathable steroid, and sent me home. And I'm on cloud nine, I'm like, Listen, this breathable steroids. In three to six months, it's gonna bring me back to life. That's what they said, I have something to go off of now. And so I'm doing the breathable steroids. thinking it's working. It's actually not it's actually doing the reverse effect of of what it should have done. And that went on for I don't know how many days I think it was up to 12 or 13 days on that had to take it twice a day. And my breathing was getting so bad that when I'd have a conversation was actually stayed away from everybody. But when I would talk to people, my conversations would come out like this on just for example, my name is Tim, I'm trying to tell you and my brain was going 100 miles an hour because my brain knows how to operate. My lungs were were just dead. I they could not connect. And it's beyond frustrating. To tell you what that felt like. And to make matters worse, I called Mayo The Doctor Who said I was crazy. And I didn't like him from the beginning. It cost me 12 $100 for zoom call. And I'm suffocating. And I call him and I say listen with my words, suffocating I'm suffer cating I need help. In his words were keep doing the steroid. There's nothing else we can do for you. And I'm angry now at but I can't get angry because I gotta conserve your Mayo, you know, you need to do something for me. He's like, unfortunately, it's the steroids our only option at this point. He goes, we'll check back in with you in July. That was that was the people that were supposed to save my life. That was their answer. And granted, they did to look at the positive because that's what I tried to look at all this. They showed me that I was healthy. And all my organs were functioning properly. All my hormones were functioning properly. They gave me a foundation to build off of, but they gave me the wrong medication, which was making things worse. And then they said we can't help you at that point. And so this just recently happened like what three weeks ago, two weeks ago a month. Okay? Okay, okay. Yeah, I'm still I'm still Yeah, I'm still in hell very much so it's getting better. But when he said I there's nothing else we can do for you. My type A personality, which I love, got on the phone and called Every hyperbaric chamber therapy that I could find because I'm on a support group of 20,000 people, one person mentioned that it's helping them and they were from another country. So I looked it up, talk to the doctor. He's like, 100% success rate, no side effects. I'm like, sounds like Bs, but what can it hurt? Right? Right. So I called nine different places. That the price range from 2000 to 4000. For her session, or session, Oh, cool. I had to get on a waiting list. And I'm like, this is this isn't. I'm not, I'm not waiting. And then a place called restore, answered the phone. And they said, Yeah, we'll give you 10 sessions for $400. I'm like, What? That doesn't even. Are you? Like I asked so many questions after that. They said, Yeah, 400 bucks. And I'm like, you know, what? What's the worst that can happen? I'm suffocating. This is a tank. Let's go check it out. So I get there. On day one. nervous, I was pale. I mean, you can ask the people that work there. But like, I look like a scared because I'm, I don't know if this is gonna work. I'm getting close containment thing. I'm already claustrophobic. And I don't know what's gonna happen. I'm already terrified. So I get in there, sitting there for an hour, and I get out and no change whatsoever. And it's it's both everyone else said three to four sessions. So I have in my head three to four sessions, right? So they said jump on the lake compression thing. And it helps circulate the blood through your body. Why do it jump on there? And then the owner, Shannon comes up. And she's she's to introduce herself and start to talk and and this is the conversation I have. I'm sorry, I don't talk fast. My lungs have been you know, I'm trying to explain to her what's going on. And 10 minutes of like, impressions. My brain is working really fast. 10 minutes of like impressions. I want to say something in my words went right out my mouth, no hesitation whatsoever. And I said, holy shit. I talk to you right now. What I'm like, I have a conversation. And I don't know how long like this is amazing. And it was just like, I found where I was supposed to be at. For sure. Yes. And so my oxygen from that point, after talking to her, lasted for three hours, and then it would shut off again. When it would shut off. I started finding tricks, I'd have to put my feet up to get the blood flowing back down to my lungs. But again, after day, one of having oxygen for three hours and feeling like a million bucks. I'm like, this is great. Right? I've now done 10 of them. Okay, and when I did the first one, like I said, I walked into my street I say 100 feet. It could be 400 feet. It's somewhere not good. Right? Three days ago, I walked six miles. Wow. Yeah. So there's, there's progress. There is and during the the 10 sessions that I went. I tried to walk five miles twice. And I couldn't make it. I thought I was dying both times. The second time. It was it was the hardest physical thing I ever did to walk 4.7 miles. I'm literally dragging my feet. And this was on session. Probably four. I should have waited. I should have been more patient but I'm like I'm breathing. No doctors are helping me. Let me see if I can open my lungs up by myself. Right. But I finished that one by the grace of God and then the six mile I think it was on seven or eight. Sorry, that's not on your screen. Is it? Okay? No, I was on seven or eight. In the tank, hyperbaric tanks, and I made I made five miles and then I'm like, man, I made five miles let's do six. So then I did six. And it's Yeah, it's so it's increasing. My lungs are increasing. Yeah, yeah, it's getting better. So at this point, today, June 10. What symptoms Do you still have from long haulers like what do you deal with today? Yesterday, the day before that. So a lot. We know why I went back to Mayo the second time with my mom and They did a bunch of testing, they found out I have a condition called pots. They had me on a bed. They did a bunch of testing on me heart, blood pressure, heart rate, all that stuff, and then raise me up to some angle, angles. 95 degrees, maybe. When I got to 95, the angle, we'll call it, I almost blacked out. Everything started spinning. I'm like, Hey, I'm getting ready to pass it. And I wasn't scared. I'm like, I'm gonna pass out just just so you know. And they had me strapped in. Like, it's fine. It's for the test, we have to find out. Well, come to find out, I have its pots. It's a blood circulation issue from COVID. Okay. Mayo can't do anything for me. Because I'm too healthy. If it was inhibiting my heart or something, they could give me a beta blocker or something like that. So that's one hurdle. I will just get lightheaded. On top of not always having enough oxygen all the time. And then the big one is food. I can't eat anything. With preservatives in it. Anything that's not basically a whole food. Right? I found out yesterday. I had subway, not the bread, the rap. And I bloated up till I was like seven months pregnant. And it was awful. I couldn't breathe. And out of i was i was birth the new life from restore, they brought me back to life. And I had 12 amazing days. And then just some food, threw a wrench in it and made me feel like I'm, I'm going backwards. So this is I'm still walking out a hill. But I know what direction I'm I'm walking now. And I know I'm not going to stop regardless of what happens at this point.

Melissa Bright:

So right and for you to advocate for yourself. This much. Is is probably one of the biggest points that I know that you want to make. Because every time we would talk on Facebook, you're like, Melissa, these doctors are telling me this this is not right. This is not making sense. And I knew even just you telling me the story. I did not realize that that many people told you you were depressed. I mean, if if they could even just hear your freakin episode that we did February 2, you were on cloud nine? I would. I would be like how what does he have to be? And I'm not. Basically my question would be what does he have to be depressed about? And I know that people can be depressed whether they have money, kids marriage, whatever, but I just knew that was not your case.

Tim:

Nope. Nope. And that that's, and I've done a lot of social media posting. And people. People are like, Why? Why are you I get calls? Why are you angry? Why are you saying this and the other? I'm, I'm not angry. And like I said, in our last episode, I'm in a boat. I'm taking care of my life. But I'll be damned if someone gets in my boat at all anymore. To has anything negative to say, life's tough, you have something if you if you're going to come tell me somebody is getting ready to steal me and take my money. Tell me, but if you're gonna come up and be like, do you know so and so's bH? Because she does that? Well, you don't know what so and so's going through? Right? I had people that were close to me, staying away from me because they thought I was depressed. They had no clue. Even though I told them I'm not depressed. This is what's going on. They're staying away saying, oh, he's just depressed. Well, not the case. And I told you that cared for me. He would have done so you would have he would show me like how you're not depressed. I believe you were friends. So it's i'm not i'm not saying I'm looking at the positive side of life. I want to I want to help people, but I'm not going to allow you to come to me and belittle someone else because the first thing I'm going to say is one either get away from your two you probably have no idea what that person's going through at right now. Like you have no clue I look normal, but I was dying. Right? Maybe that person's died. Maybe that person's friend just died or they're. You have no clue. Yep, yes. I was gonna say something and I want it to come back to me. I feel like it's just so crazy in terms of the like anxiety Yes, can cause a lot of physical symptoms. I know that because I've done that but it just infuriates me for For the doctors, like you're saying chronic headaches, I can't breathe physically, you could barely get out sentences. And all they wanted to say was, you're depressed? Like, it seems, I guess, obvious to me that that wouldn't even be an answer.

Melissa Bright:

Like, did they even ask you like, have you went through something traumatic recently? Did something go on? Have you lost a job? How's your marriage? Like? Did they ask you any of these questions like that?

Tim:

not that I recall, but this just brings me back to a good point, that doctor from Mayo, that I call them and I was suffocating. Before that conversation, he called to tell me, I had pots and he goes, You know what? It's a really good thing. You didn't start antidepressants, because it would have really messed with your blood circulation problem. I'm like, you. Yeah. Just like I don't even know what to say to you guys anymore. Thank you for telling. And that's that I made a post on Facebook. Thank you for telling me I'm type A personality, because I'm not going to be fed. You know, I know what's wrong with me, just so does everyone else that they listen to themselves goes wrong with them. But doctors are so quick to prescribe. Thanks. So

Melissa Bright:

yeah, I had. So there's a guy on one of my episodes. His name's Brandon Mao. He has type two diabetes, type two or type one. And he has had to have a something transplant. Oh my gosh, I forgot what it was. But it he was very much on like they said, If you do not get this transplant, you will die. But he went through a hell of a lot of doctors that said, we can't do anything for you. I'm sorry. Yeah. Did you have two years left to live? And he? A lot of his point of his episode was you have to advocate for yourself. You have to speak up for yourself when something's not right. Just because one doctor tells you something you keep finding more answers if it's not making sense to you. And I'm not this isn't to bash doctors or anything because a lot of doctors know stuff. But when it's not adding up to you just keep there's no wrong thing to keep finding out answers like you did just keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing. That's your right, you get to do that. And, and you have came through so many different hurdles, and doctors and appointments and every time you just keep advocating for yourself. And that's a huge thing for people to know to take away from this. If it's not right to you get a second opinion. Ask questions. or fourth, the fifth. I mean, yeah, not for opinions. And they weren't right. So right. Yeah. Yeah. So are you completely done with the hyperbaric chamber?

Tim:

No. Okay. I went 10 days straight. And now I'm going every other day. Okay. This isn't a doctor's recommendation. I'm testing for myself. Yeah, nobody knows. So I went every day and felt great. So now I'm like, let me try every other day. Maybe I can wean myself off of it. Right? Or stabilize it, if you will. So that's where I'm at. Now I go every other day. Yeah. And, sorry. It's okay. Cuz I forgot my question. I that the Potts condition that I have. I might have to travel to California, because they're the only place that specializes in helping people recover from it. So it's, it's so bad the parts is that I jumped in the pool on Memorial Day. You know, I'm starting to breathe better, and jumped in the pool and my lungs immediately locked up. The circulation just stopped. So I get out of the pool. My whole neighborhood is there, right? And again, I don't show weakness in front of everyone. So they're probably thinking, Oh, Tim's back. He's fine. You know, this and the other. I jumped in the pool. I couldn't breathe. I get out. I sit next to one of my kids on the recliner, and I'm suffocating and it's only getting worse. And I got my four year old in the pool. I'm like, Hey, can you get her out of the pool? We got to go. About that time. My buddy Herman came up and started talking and like, Listen, I can't, can't talk right now. And this is why I was kept putting things on social media. If I'm not being rude to you, I just can't breathe. Right? That's what I've tried to tell you. I'm like, I can't breathe. You know. And then about that time, another buddy came up, Jeff, and said, how's it going? I'm like, Listen, I can't breathe. And I'm like, I gotta get out of here because I'm not breathing. The anxiety starting to climb because I'm suffocating. I go to stand up and I get real busy life I'm gonna pass out and I sit back down. And I'm like, I'm gonna pass out and I said that and they heard it and they go, are you okay? I'm a glasses on you can't. Again, you can't see anything physically. rolling the I don't want you to, like get out of here. And about that point, like, my breathing was so bad. I'm now choking. And this is on Memorial Day after my breathing is going better. So I start crying. Because I was helpless. I mean, I started, tears just started flying out of my face, control it. And my wife came up with my inhaler that Mayo gave me. And I took the first one. And it went in and came right back out. Everything was shut down. Like if I wasn't getting an error, oh my god, I shook it up for another second. I'm like, I have to get this thing in. So I hit it again. And it went a little bit. And I heard someone say he got a little bit of that one, because now everyone's around me, which is making this worse. They're all Oh my god, harder. But everybody's watching me. Right, you know, basically suffocate, and I don't like it. So that the other one got in and I'm like, I gotta get out of here. And that that is something I'll never forget. Because I, I suffer, I suffer by myself. I don't want my kids to see me. I want them to see that I've crawled out of hell. Because they've seen the whole thing. Yeah. But when I would start suffocating, real bad, I go in the other room. And I didn't show it to them. But they actually they actually seen it that day. Right? Bad. And they, my buddy Jeff had to basically carry me on the pool, put me in a car, I went home. And I put on these compression socks, I put my feet up for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, bloods right back to my lungs, I stand up and I went to barbecue and the wife goes, What is wrong with you. And I'm like, I'm, I'm not going to lay here and suffer. I got the blood back to my lungs. I'm gonna keep moving. for multiple reasons. One, I want to show myself I'm tough to I need to get the blood flow. And three, I have to do enough exercise to make myself tired at night, that insomnia still laying around there. I've been sleeping fantastic. But if I don't get my blood circulating properly the right way. I won't sleep. I found that hard way. I just lay around one day I'm like, I'm going to relax. Didn't get the circulation going the right way didn't sleep at all. I'm like, Okay, this is one day we can push past this not 21 days, right? I forgot to let forgot to tell you a huge detail play of that rock. When I got back from Mayo, first or second time, this would be the second time my wife's mom had a heart attack, went to the hospital. They did open heart surgery. So now when I come back from Mayo, I'm now on my own. You know, my wife's been helping me up to that point. Stay saying do all this stuff. She's at the hospital. I'm not taking care of my family, my girls and trying to make sure that I can manage enough oxygen to get from point A to point B. Her mom comes from home home from the hospital and she has to stay at our house. Take care of her. So now my wife has to take care of her mom in my recliner, the only thing that I can get comfortable with and I gave it up willingly. I'm not saying all this is happening. At this time, my wife's taking care of her mom making sure she doesn't die. I'm trying to make sure that I get to hyperbaric chamber so I don't die. And again, that's my point from the outside. This all looks normal. I'm not gonna go to someone, a neighbor or a friend, or just anyone I don't know and say, Hey, I'm suffering. This is what I'm going through. I'm gonna fucking walk through it. And then when I get out, I'm gonna say this is how I got out of it. And I'm going to share it with you. Right, but people are like, Well, why don't you talk about it? I'm like, what I'm going through it like, I don't know what to say. It's hard. I feel crazy. Most days still. I still question if the doctor was right, if it's just all in my head. Even after seeing the test results, I still have all these things running through my head. It's just it's just a lot.

Melissa Bright:

So yeah, I think to some degree when you've been dealing with this since February 17 At some point, you had to get fucking depressed because of all the pain and suffering and no breathing. Yeah, maybe at some point, you obviously did. But that wasn't this wasn't the spark like depression didn't spark all of this. Absolutely. Like, absolutely. That's something huge so maybe now when you who that hell would not be depressed when I was going through my anxiety stuff. before April before I went crazy and literally went to the hospital something for two weeks, my body was in physical stomach cramps pain, I would wake up be fine in two hours later, I had zero energy, like my anxiety was attacking my body for almost 14 days straight. Yeah, that can easily make somebody depressed because you're like, What? What is going on? I just want to feel normal have normal energy levels. So that was no worry, even compared to what you are going through that that has to take a toll on you mentally, you know, there's no way that it could and you are a very mentally strong person, like, well, let's just say that we we know that you have came very far in your life. So for this to happen. And then just to say that is crazy. But yeah, at some point you you had to have I know something I do want to talk about with you. You said that meditation has been a huge part of this. So can we talk about what you why you decided to start meditating? What kind of that looks like for you? Because I know everybody's meditation process looks differently, how has that helped you? I just want listeners to kind of hear your story about that. So mine,

Tim:

I literally fell into meditation. Say that, by that, that walk that I told you that I tried to do on my road, I would try to do it. And then one day, I tried to do it, and I came back and the kids were outside. And I'm like, I'm going to be dead. I'm going to walk up and you know, hang out with kids and stuff like that. And I'm suffocating shit. So I look at my wife, and I'm like, get kids, I'm going inside, I went inside, and everything was shut off. Like there's no breathing happening. I don't know what why it was so severe. I laid face first on the ground, thinking I'm dying, and I put my head to the side. And I put my arms out. And then I just tried sucking breath as much as I could nice and slow, nice and cow. I've tried meditation in the past, I got bored with it moved on. I did that for 20 minutes. And then my lung slowly started gathering enough oxygen to get back up. So then I started looking into meditation, I'm actually getting my meditation license right now. But so my meditation practice, and it's a practice. It's your brains like a muscle. And you can you can grow it and train it through through breathing exercises. When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do now, as soon as I wake, as soon as my eyes open up, I put my hands on my stomach, and I do 10 minutes of diaphragm, breathing, breathing real deep. And then I breathe out. And I do that for 10 minutes. And I don't try to control my thoughts. I just follow them where they go. They go somewhere that I don't like, I'm like, Hey, listen, I'm just breathing during this exercise. So I'm just drawing attention to the thoughts that I don't like, still early in this process of meditation. But that's, that's what I do. First first thing in the day, and then sometime later in the afternoon, I'll take 10 minutes to myself, where I'll just focus on my breathing because I am crazy. I tried to go straight back into my job right away, which is very high paced. So I make sure that I find time to sit and meditate to realize that I'm okay. Everything's fine. And it brings me back down and kind of just, it anchors me back down. Yeah, in a way with my thoughts. Right. Exactly. And, and one thing that and I haven't done too much of meditating, but something that was really easing to my mind that I learned about meditating is everybody thinks that you are just supposed to be laser focused that your mind isn't going to wander anywhere. No, it is, and you're gonna hear the dog barking and you're gonna hear a bird chirping, you just practice, keep coming back, keep coming back that is just like keep coming back to the present time because that's almost a thing. It's like, life is constantly filled with distractions and all this stuff. And the whole thing with meditation as you're trying to come back to either your breathing, mode, breathing and just bringing you back to the present and back to your foundation to build off of yeah And you said everything beautifully, just don't. Don't get upset by I have ADD or add whatever it is, was faster than anyone I've ever met in my life by not getting upset by going faster just bringing myself back to breath. Yeah. Is the plant and I'll Pratt and like I said I'm getting my license I'm going to teach people I want to impact people greatly that way because I mean it took me from suffocating, depressed anxious to I'm no longer depressed. High five still have some some anxiety just because I don't know when I'm going to stop breathing, isn't it? I'm feel great most of the time. Right? When it shuts off. It's like crap. I don't want to be far away from home. Hey, do you guys mind if I stick my feet up for a little bit at your establishment? Because I don't read well, you know? Yeah. Still a lot of unknowns for you, that you? Correct. You don't know what's going to happen, right? But meditation gives me gives me strength. So which is crazy. I've always been a workout Holic. Now meditating, like crazy, I mean, twice a day, but I plan on making it expand longer and longer to where I can. Because I want to help people. Like I said, the last podcast just like you help people. Yeah. That that saved my life. So one of the That's awesome. Okay, so a couple just a couple more questions. Where have you left in terms of the Mayo Clinic clinic? Is it still the will follow up with you in July? And so I like this. On my 10th session, I emailed the doctor. And I said, I sent last row like I was suffocating The last time we talked and you said follow the course I said, I'm now on my 10th hyperbaric chamber therapy session. And it's working phenomenal. As like, if you really care about other people. Please suggest this because I asked him three times when I was up there to do it. He said no, all three times. Very Why did he say no? He said that there's 14 triggers that will get you into hyperbaric chamber and long hollers is not one of them yet. burn victims. There's other things but I didn't I didn't fit that criteria to get into their Oh, to the Mayo Clinic. Correct. Gotcha. But you could do it on your own. There was no harm. They weren't like don't do this or you're going to be harmed or anything? No, no, all they did was give me a basis that I'm healthy. So I I'm healthy. I'm going to try the chamber therapy. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Just wanted to make sure. Okay, so you emailed him. You said, Please suggest this to other people told him please. You said please recommend this two people if you can. So, yes, actually, the word if you care. But yeah. Oh, yes. Yes, yes. Absolutely. Yep. I forgot what the question. Oh, yeah. So the question was, is, are you still following up with mayo clinic? Are you done with them? Where's it going from here? Oh, gotcha. So no, I told them cancel all my appointments moving forward. I have some in July follow up. But they're gonna they're just going to ask questions on how you're feeling. And it's going to cost a tremendous amount of money, right? Your drugs you prescribe me made it worse. Unless you have anything additional to add. I'm going to pursue this on my own. And I'll find answers from someone else. Like, my wife's been looking at places in California that deal with pots, and can help me with that. So we may look at that. But for now, I'm continuing with hyperbaric chamber therapy, which I got a big shout out to them, because they literally allowed me to have this podcast with you. It would have been not an hour long, it would have been three hours long because each word would have been oh my gosh,

Melissa Bright:

so did you ever get a reply from the doctor when you sent that email?

Tim:

No, of course not. Nope. And he wasn't the original doctor that I reached out to Sure. The original one made. We're gonna we're gonna help you. This is what we do here. Yeah, I met with this guy. And he was not gonna say that because I have friends that do that. You know, he was a salesperson. So yeah, okay. Yeah. Wow.

Melissa Bright:

So you're you're doing this on your own now. And you're going to potentially go to California to find out about the pot stuff. pots, not pot, not marijuana, not metal. Just to be clear. Oh, man, my thoughts. I'm not smoking the pot. Right, exactly, exactly. Okay, I'm trying to think. So, to wrap this all up, and have nice little pretty bow. What would you like listeners to know about your experience with long haulers, with doctors with being in hell with physical, mental, whatever it is, what would you like people to know?

Tim:

Um, want the first thing and I've already put on social media trust yourself, first and foremost, to everyone's either, and this is how I had it in my mind going through it, everyone is either in a storm, or they just stepped out of a store. So everyone's dealing with shit at some level. And as I'm at the gym the other day, I'm working out every other day now. And it's not something that I'm proud of my workouts, I'm proud that I'm working out. But it's not a great one anyway. And I'm like, you're going slow, because you're in rehab right now. And I have allowed myself to think that way to the end of June. And it might take July or August. Anyway, my point was, even before this happened, I was at the gym everyday still trying to better myself. So I'm doing what I would, what I was doing before is the same thing I'm doing in rehab, like we're all trying to better ourselves. And if you're not trying to better yourself, you're probably a super negative person and or a hindrance to someone else's life. And that's, that's, I had to understand that for myself, because of all that negative talk that was going around me. So my whole thing is we're all going through rehab, and we're all trying to better ourselves and live. That's that we're all going through it. So no person is better than the other. And I've shared this a couple times, but just be kind to people. Because you could be like they could be where I was no longer wanting to do this anymore. And like I give out dad jokes freely, but your dad joke could save someone's life. Your smile could save someone's life, like any of that could somebody could be in the worst spot ever. And you just showing some affection towards them could give them hope. So yeah, that's what I've learned through all this.

Melissa Bright:

Absolutely. And, you know, I I'm always listening to podcasts and reading books, and I am about to read a book that Oprah Winfrey, and a psychiatrist just released. And the book is called. I think it's called what happened to you. And the whole basis is, everybody is always like, what's wrong with them? Why are they like this? Why are they a drug addict? Why are they a perfectionist? Why are they so freakin add? That should never be the question. And the question should always be what happened to them. sometime before this. There has been something that happened to them more than likely in their childhood, no matter what, whether it was a positive experience or a negative experience. This is why they are the way they are. Right. And people just need to have compassion and to understand like in remove judgment, like you said, you on the outside, you look normal, but you were for lack of better words physically dying on the inside. Yeah, you nailed it. I was.

Tim:

And people, they don't know that. Or they're just like, oh, he's just down or he's over exaggerating. He's just a press, whatever it is. and it sucks. It sucks. And, yeah, it's really hard to try to express your feelings to people, but more so even for people that don't want to listen or to see it or hear it. And so I just think it's so important for your listeners that the one other message I want to give out too is when I was at Mayo, and I was suffocating. And the doctor said I was crazy. My to get out of to get out of my hotel room. I looked forward to going to the hospital. And I refused a wheelchair. But because people were far worse than me, but they weren't in my own head. But my thing was, is I just want I always tried to make someone smile, or happy or hold the elevator or show respect or anything to that person. Yep. Well, to add to my pointer or if people are going through things like you are not going to change someone, right? If someone's depressed or someone's saying you're not, but if you could give them like hope and Stop, just give them good positive energy. Yeah, get that back, maybe not from them, but it's going to come back to you. And it kept me going, pushing through Mayo just just to give people energy. And so it was a huge thing that worked for me. And I've always been that way. But it's gonna come a lot more now. Right? It just meant more now it yeah, it absolutely does. Especially like when you're hurting, even you like physically, you kind of want to help people more.

Melissa Bright:

And that's kind of where I feel like I've always that's exactly why I am nice to people because I have been through some shit. And I have, I don't want people to feel alone or left out or struggle or whatever. And if we can open the door, say hi, or acknowledge them or not greet them with anger, like they've been greeted by their boyfriend, mother, whoever, like, maybe that will give them exactly like you said, some kind of hope like, oh, not every person in the world is a piece of crap.

Tim:

And there are actually nice people in this world that will do kinds of things and kind gestures were everywhere. It just were too shy to say anything. But realizing that probably 90% of us are that way. We should just all start being that way. You know, there's Yep. And there's maybe it's not 90%. But there's, there are a lot of bad people out there. And there's people that want to cause harm, but they're, they're hateful, miserable people in their lives are not pleasant to be around. And that's what I teach my kids. Like, if that kid is school's being mean to you, it's because her life is not great. Yep. And just be kind to her, you know? Yeah, we're gonna keep being me. Well, she's not happy. So just give, you know, give or get away from her. So yeah, exactly. So, exactly.

Melissa Bright:

Okay, well, I'm still gonna ask this question, even though I've already asked it because potentially it could change. And I don't remember what your answer was last time to this. But Tim, and your own words, what does the bright side of life mean to you nowadays?

Tim:

Prepare for this. And it's, it's simple for me. It's it's mine is to find happiness more than ever, but to get into a routine that I'm happy with, and consistent with my own life. And more than that, seeing the impact that the community did for me. I was on this podcast because I came out of hell last time providing for my family. Yep. I put my head down and went to work and did that. So I didn't realize that I made such an impact on the community. Because I've never, I've never really given myself self love. enough to realize it. I just worked for my family. So the bright side of me for me is just to love myself more. And learn to enjoy what I do more and and realize the impact that it is making. on people and the community.

Melissa Bright:

Yeah, I love it.

Tim:

And look at this real quick before we go. See these gray hairs. I didn't have these. Oh, shit. I know. All this is poking out gray hair. I had to put that out somewhere in the show. That is awesome. Well, I can't see it from this far. So let's get back. blind. Oh, now I see it. No, I'm just kidding.

Melissa Bright:

Well, Tim, thank you. And we can't promise that Tim isn't going to be on the podcast again. He it might be hell six months, three months. But I hope so hope hope hope that you just keep getting better and healthier and don't have any more setbacks.

Tim:

I'm writing a book. Yeah. I said that last time we were talking. When I'm done with that book. I want to come back on the show. Absolutely. Yep.

Melissa Bright:

I will have been out of hell. I will have a roadmap for people to walk out of hell. Because that's what this show is walking out of hell. I'm still in hell right now. When people say how you're doing and I say I'm feeling better, they just think Oh, looks healthy. No, I'm still walking out of hell. When I get there. I'm coming back here. Yes. And I'm always invited. Yeah, I've talked to you anytime. Thank you, Tim. So so much. Thank you guys so much for listening to this week's episode of the bright side of life. And another story that Tim had to share. He is so damn resilient. And I know just like his last episode. He just wants to spread positivity and he has has been through hell he thought he was, you know, coming out of hell before with how he provided for his family. And he did all this mental work that needed to be done for mind shift. And now this was something completely different that was not only, you know, mental, but the worst part of it was the physical part. And he has had to overcome all of those things. And he has advocated for himself and he is pulling himself out of this and he's listening and trusting himself. So I hope you guys enjoy this episode as much as I did. Tim is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to long haulers at this point. So if you guys have any questions, or if you want to reach out to Tim, please feel free to reach out to me and I would be happy to connect you guys. And if you know anyone that may need to hear Tim's story, please share it with them, because we never know if this is the one that puts hope back in their heart.